The 'middle' syndrome

IT IS common knowledge that though friends are selected by choice, we can't unfortunately choose the family into which we wish to be born nor the place we would have to be accorded in it. But if you are born the middle child in a family, then yours is a long and sorry tale of woe.

If Tennyson's reputed poem reads "The Indian girl's Lament", then with due apologies to him, this heartpouring will choose to be entitled "The middle-girl's lament."

To begin with, the initial tragedy itself lies in the fact that we are allotted no separate identity.

In Hindu families, there is the tradition of parading the children (particularly those of the female species) especially in weddings and other functions to announce their eligibility for marriage.

When my father introduced his first born, he would say with so much emphasis and pride in his voice. "This is my eldest daughter" and the last sister as the youngest. The other two of us (always standing in between!) were never once privileged enough to be introduced as the "middlest daughters".

It was 'jeshtaputri' and 'kanishtaputri' or my first-born and Benjamin (the last and most preferred one -- the apple of the eye) and several other terms of endearment and titles. Was it then this agony that caused Jacob to fight with Esan for his birthright? This sad tale would read even sadder if all the children, like in my family, happen to be daughters.

Dog-eared books, outgrown dresses and paint-worn toys are all yours for the having. Everything appears second hand. The eldest is always the first to enter school, college, marriage, motherhood etc. and hence will be right royally escorted by the parents and not only fussed over but also pampered and spoilt to the maximum possible extent.

As for the youngest, she arrived eight years after me and hence, would have a royal journey too. She would be presented with new books (the excuse being change of syllabus) and new clothes.

As for us, the poor middle ones (who never once meddled or muddled), we were left midstream to fend for ourselves.

The word middle itself is abhorred, for middle men in any transaction are resented and looked upon with scorn. The middle class is the worst hit by any inflation or disaster.

But it must be remembered that a scanning of history shows the middle class as that which sparks off revolutions and brings about changes. It is the buffer state that minimises friction and insulates shocks.

If the middle was not important really, then why did God choose to situate the heart towards the middle of the body?

Yet others advise students to write the introduction well while answering a question in an examination and also wind up the conclusion thoughtfully for that would fetch additional marks. The body of the essay or the middle of the answer can include any stuff or no sense at all since it is never read, is the oft-heard comment.

When I narrated this woe-begone tale to my father, he let me into the safe-guarded secret that he too had been sent overseas (or let to sink in mid-ocean if the situation arose!) for higher studies as he was the middle child.

Anyway, I end on a note of cheer - all this fretting and fuming can be permanently shelved.

With the advent of family planning there are only two children now - the eldest and the youngest.

Hence, we shall be remembered by posterity as the last species of a fast disappearing tribe - the first (rate ones and best) of the last of the middle ones? (howzzat for a bowler?)

THARA MOHAN RAO

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