Tamil Nadu - Coimbatore   

A young girl finds a family

By A. A. Michael Raj

COIMBATORE, MARCH 15 . "You are an adopted child." These five words could fall upon the ears of the children to whom they are addressed, like sledgehammer blows on the inner walls of an abandoned tomb.

Some children could stare with unbelieving eyes, others could break into inconsolable sobs, and still others could say nothing for a while because their hearts are palpitating with the realisation that their worst fears are coming true.

Parents with adopted children know that their young ones will have to face this truth someday, and spend much time and effort to soften the blow.

"Becoming a parent takes only a moment; being a parent takes an entire lifetime," said Prof. P. Navaneethan, whose seven-year-old adopted daughter studies at a school in Coimbatore.

"On learning the truth, their first reaction might be to go into depression. They might need a bit of counselling. They worry about whether they will lose the love of their parents, and need a lot of reassurance. They will lay down conditions and test the love of their adopted parents," he told The Hindu .

Prof. Navaneethan, who works in the Department of Electrical and Electronics Engineering at a college in the city, said that his 12-year-old son was undergoing treatment for autistic behaviour.

"His socialisation skills were very poor and other children would not come home. Even his peer group would not mix with him," Prof. Navaneethan recalled. That was when he and his wife had gone to Chennai and sought the help of Vidhya Shankar, a social worker and Secretary of SuDatta, an organisation for families with adopted children.

"Why don't you adopt a child? A daughter who can grow up with your son," she had suggested. For some days, the Navaneethan couple thought about it and then made their decision.

"We approached the Karna Prayag Trust in Chennai, which is an approved agency for adoption, and registered for a four-year-old child. We did not want a baby that was three or four months old, which is the usual age for adoption, because we did not want the adopted child to imitate the boy's behaviour," he said. After several weeks, they found the daughter they had been yearning for, at the Relief Foundation in Chennai. They completed the formalities for foster-care adoption and took their new daughter home for a trial period of five days.

It was a difficult time, for the child tested their love and patience in what seemed an unconscious attempt to find out if the two adults really cared for her. When they took her back to the foster home and promised to return soon, the child suddenly put her arms around him and urged him not to go. "That's when I knew she had bonded with us," said Prof. Navaneethan, an executive committee member of the Coimbatore Chapter of SuDatta Adoptive Families Association. For details about the association, ring 044-2313139.

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