The Hindu : Sport : Wanted: Wit and wisdom at athlethes' `pressers'

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Wednesday, Jul 19, 2006

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Wanted: Wit and wisdom at athlethes' `pressers'

In the time of the agent, the manager, the minder, the impulsive athlete and the memorable quote is a rarity, writes Rohit Brijnath

— PHOTO: AP

SHOOTING FROM THE HIP: Jimmy Connors will forever be remembered for his gun-slinger like quip about Borg.

John McEnroe apparently wants to run a coaching academy — yes, him — that fellow with the heretical game that mocked every manual. It'll have to wait, for we have a more pressing assignment for Mac the Mouth: media trainer to those monarchs of the monosyllable in the dressing room.

McEnroe went too far on court, but off it he wore a certain amusing irreverence. "If Michael Chang wins Wimbledon I'll drop my shorts on centre court," he once said. We remember that. We remember Connors barking, "I'll chase that *** ** * ***** Borg to the ends of the earth." We remember Vitas Gerulaitis's possibly mythical response to beating Borg after 16 losses: "No one beats Vitas Gerulaitis 17 times in a row."

There was Ali teasing Foreman with his, "I've seen him shadow boxing and the shadow won," there was Yogi Berra getting all tangled up with his, "Baseball is 90 per cent mental, the other half is physical," there was Tony Galento saying before his knockout by Joe Louis, "I'll moider de bum."

That was then. Not much now. Interviews at Wimbledon are clichés, followed by monosyllables, punctuated by 30 "you knows" from Kim Clijsters. God help us all.

Occasional wit

Federer will find a way to praise himself and still seem saintly, and one year Andy Roddick talked about hurling the kitchen sink at Federer and getting a bathtub thrown back at him, proving the engaging American's tongue is sharper than his game. But the only chap who could dissect a point in the press room as memorably as he played it, has taken his "Sage At Work" sign and gone home to Steffi.

Cricketers haven't said a memorable thing this century (and that includes via text message). Things got so desperate that even the professorial Steve Waugh's celebrated "You've dropped the World Cup," to Herschelle Gibbs was later outed as an embroidered quote. Graeme Smith, meanwhile, has emerged as the most artless provocateur of recent times (one day he will even sledge himself), and most Indian captains hone their defensive technique in press rooms.

The only memorable soundbite from the football World Cup is incredibly the one we didn't actually hear, where Materazzi is presumed to have alluded to racism, terrorism or generally shared his thoughts about motherhood with Zidane. Sportsmen do ugly things very well these days, interesting, they often don't. Most, in fact, have never even been introduced to irony.

But if we're fretting about a globe crawling with athletes blander than Jim Reeves, then what are the reasons? Are athletes just younger and duller? Or are they media-trained, over-sanitised, platitude-pronouncing fellows, who are wary of a media that can smell controversy a continent away?

A lost tradition

Hard to believe there was a time when journalists and sportsmen actually shared a convivial beer after work and private lives were left unexamined. Now 140 journalists can stalk a tour which would make for a hell of a bar bill.

Press conferences can be so raucous that the erudite and accomodating Rahul Dravid once walked out, though he occasionally looks as if he'd rather confront Andrew Flintoff without a box then face questions.

Journalists can be too pushy, athletes too insular, and sport taken far too seriously. As an American golfer said last week, "We're not trying to cure cancer, we're just trying to put a ball in a hole."

Athletes will scowl at any question that isn't flattering, and questioners can be unflattering. The opening salvo, for instance, after another Anna Kournikova defeat some years ago was a discourteous, "Was it a match?"

Players have also turned over-cautious, they feel every quote will be dissected by the media and then spun in more directions than Warney can manage.

Often it is.

We cannot plead for characters and then crucify athletes for being different.

In the West, players are rigorously tutored by media managers in the art of speaking well but saying nothing. When tours begin, players get shorts, pants, shoes and, one presumes, a gag.

Officials thrive on control and the media is only given a quota of players to talk to per day. Soon words said will also be rationed. Image is at stake here, sponsors must be stroked and money kept flowing in. And spontaneity can go on leave.

In the time of the agent, the manager, the minder, the impulsive athlete and the memorable quote is a rarity. Sometimes we pray for another Ali. Sometimes we know in today's world he wouldn't last.

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