Kerala - Kochi   

Bringing up good parents

K.P.M. Basheer

Shoba Srinath

KOCHI: "To be a good parent to your children, first be a good husband/wife to your spouse."

This is the essence of good parenting, according to Shoba Srinath, head of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Services at the National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences (NIMHANS), Bangalore.

The family is the first and most important school in a child's life and hence, the relationship between the father and mother is extremely important in forming the personality and world view of the child, Prof. Srinath, who is also the head of the Department of Psychiatry at NIMHANS, pointed out in an interview at Munnar recently. She was in Munnar to present a paper at the Indian Psychiatric Society's (Kerala) annual conference.

How children learn

She said it was from parents that children learned to love, understand and empathise with others. Loving, caring and mutually supportive couples unconsciously passed on these characteristics to their children. Abusive and alcoholic husbands upset the children's emotion world. The way a husband treated his wife at home determined their children's idea of gender relationship. Passive, unassertive and ever-suffering wives created bad role models for their children. "If the couple's mutual bonding is good, they will make good parents," she said.

Prof. Srinath noted that modern children were under tremendous stress, not just from academic pressure alone. This often manifested itself in anxiety disorder, school refusal and depression. "The age of onset of depression is falling," she said.

She advised parents to spend quality time with their children. "Talk to them, listen to them, and enjoy with them." Communication with children is extremely important. Parents should find out what their children do ``reasonably well'' and encourage them. "Admire and appreciate your kid whenever he/she does a thing reasonably." This would tremendously boost their self-esteem and self-confidence. At the same time, children should realise that they were not the centres of the universe.

Children should be encouraged to make many friends outside the family. This would enormously help them conduct interpersonal relationships well and improve their emotional intelligence. They should also have at least one adult friend who could guide and advise them. Imparting life skills to children was as important as giving them a decent school education. Life skills would help them make good choices and think critically.

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