The Hindu : Andhra Pradesh / Hyderabad News : Miles apart yet close at heart: distance no hurdle to modern marriages

Online edition of India's National Newspaper
Monday, Oct 23, 2006
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Andhra Pradesh

Andhra Pradesh - Hyderabad

Miles apart yet close at heart: distance no hurdle to modern marriages

Shubhra Tandon

Long distance marriages have become common and socially acceptable with both spouses opting to stay apart for the sake of career

HYDERABAD: With priorities changing for married couples, the institution of marriage seems to be redefining itself. Married couples living separately in different cities for better life and opportunities at work are becoming acceptable in society, though other needs take a backseat.

This changing social scenario is consensual and has no hard feelings involved. Raja and Olivia got married in April this year and so far, have spent only 35 days together. While Raja works in Hyderabad for Shell India's sales and marketing division, Olivia is a doctor in Bellevue Hospital in Kolkata.

"She got a good break in the nephrology department after completing MBBS in January this year. We decided that she should continue with it for at least a year before we moved together to one place," says Raja. Olivia agrees. "It is only for work experience and not money that we are staying away. A year's time and we are together again," she says.

Only on weekends

Shivani and Rakshit have been married for a decade and dream of a good future for their children. That keeps them separate now.

Rakshit works for a real-estate company in Delhi and Shivani is managing the duo's IT training centre in Agra. They get to meet only on weekends.

"More often than not such situations are compulsions and do lead to lack of communication. But the way life is moving everything comes at a price. In such cases it is the emotional warmth which needs to be sacrificed for a good future," says Shivani.

Expert talk

But does the institution of marriage, often associated with companionship, togetherness and family, feel threatened? "Not entirely," says clinical psychologist Niranjan Reddy from Sweekaar Institute of Rehabilitation Sciences. "It depends on individuals. While there is a risk of extra-marital affairs and other such situations arising, it need not be the same with all cases," explains Dr. Reddy.

However, it is children who feel the negative influence of such situations the most, says Dr. Reddy. "The presence of both parents gives social and psychological security to the child, which is essential for growing up as a responsible citizen. This is decreasing day by day," he adds.

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