LONG OVERDUE: Andrew Symonds, who finally got the Test century bogey off his back, is hugged by Matthew Hayden. — Photo: AP

MELBOURNE: Three quarters of an hour before lunch on the second day of the fourth Ashes Test, Andrew Symonds — lips bright white and locks bulging under his helmet as usual — strolled towards the MCG pitch with such nonchalance that the thought presented itself that "you won't last long."

After all Australia was 84 for five, two wickets had fallen to aggressive fast bowling from Andrew Flintoff and Matthew Hoggard and now Steve Harmison had joined the party with the wicket of Michael Clarke in his first over.

Besides, we all know that Symonds, the epitome of the bits and pieces one-day all rounder, with powerful hitting to complement off-spin and medium-pace seam, is not really a Test batsman. At least that is what we thought smugly.

Shane Watson had to injure his hamstring and Damien Martyn retire before Symonds sneaked in with his Test average of 19 and it seemed obvious that a couple of balls from big Harmy would see him off in double quick time.

England might gain a small first innings lead, might even stumble to a narrow victory. Ha! Nearly an hour after tea, Symonds walloped a ball from Paul Collingwood — who had not clung on to two difficult chances from him — and sent it soaring into the 10th row of the stand to complete his first Test hundred.

He might have been given out leg before to Monty Panesar's second delivery, but umpire Rudi Koertzen and the TV replay machinery took opposite points of view and before the close, Symonds passed 150, or double his previous Test best.

Symonds had the rock steady help of Matthew Hayden whose batting is not a thing of beauty but mighty effective. Hayden saw the departure of Ricky Ponting for seven, Michael Hussey for six and Clarke for five without getting into a flap and went quietly to his 27th Test hundred. He got a bit more excited about his arrival at 150, but when he was out he also made a quiet exit although some read the expansive waving of his bat as a sign he was not planning to play at the MCG again. He says he expects to be back — rather than joining the lengthening queue to collect a Cricket Australia pension — after helping Symonds put on 279, the second biggest sixth wicket stand by Australia against England.

Wretched day

It was another wretched day for England, which will look back on its trip here and wonder just what went wrong. The first Test defeat was never in doubt, but it should have drawn the second; it also bowled Australia out cheaply in the third.

At 84 for five, Australia ought to have been nailed to the pitch; instead it performed the great escape. Nor can England blame the most extraordinary story coming out of this match; that some light-fingered villain got into the apparently secure England dressing room and stole it's plans to deal with each Australian batsman.

Shane Warne, for instance, is supposed to be given the "throat ball" treatment to soften him up. The thief sent the information to the radio commentary team of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation who, naturally, put it all on air.

But by that time England had stopped the main Australian batsmen in their tracks: Langer (27), Ponting (seven), Hussey (six), Clarke (five); the plans must work.

Hoggard, a level-headed lad, says "a few close decisions did not go our way which is a bit frustrating" but added that the plans were stuck to the wall of the dressing room toilet so that players with a few moments to spare could memorise the details.

It is clear that everything that can go wrong for England will do so and that 5-0 is now so near you can hear it above the chants for "Warnie" that ring through his favourite stadium all day long.

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