The Hindu : Tamil Nadu News : Parents need to revisit methods of parenting

Online edition of India's National Newspaper
Sunday, Oct 28, 2007
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Tamil Nadu

Tamil Nadu

Parents need to revisit methods of parenting

— Photo: M. Periasamy

“The first victim of a child’s tantrum is the TV remote. If the child breaks it, don’t buy it again”, Brinda Jayaraman, family therapist from Chennai, tells G. Satyamurty.

While she counsels ‘democratic parenting’ (meaning that the children should be treated more as adults), she is of the firm view that it is better for the parents to revisit their methods of parenting whenever there is some problem with their offsprings.

She admits that it is very difficult to handle ‘today’s adolescents’. “In the metros, and even in smaller cities, if the boy\girl does not have a girl\boy friend they are being looked down upon by their classmates and friends”.

Parents spoil the children either through pampering or being very strict. “It is imperative for the parents to make the children realise their responsibility. Ideal would be to make the children learn their responsibility when they are as young as three years. If the child takes an item from a shelf, make it realise that it is its responsibility to put it back on the same spot. Child should be allowed to solve its problems.”

“If they don’t learn the responsibility at an early stage, they will not be able to face the problems as they grow older”.

She counsels parents to appreciate the children whenever required. The parents can hug and kiss the child. It gives the child immense satisfaction and it revels in warmth. After extending such warmth, if the parents teach it responsibility as if they are playing with the child, it picks it up very fast and sticks to it.

Ms. Brinda is categorical that the so-called “teenage problem’ arises because the children are not accustomed to taking up responsibility. Parents need to have a scientific approach in dealing with such an issue.

“Don’t maintain too much of a distance. Besides, if it were to be a single child, it should have contact with the cousins or extended families so that it could understand the family bonds. Then only can it adjust with others. Unfortunately, some families bar them from moving with their cousins and relatives,” she laments.

She points out that the majority of the children brought to her are either involved in love affair or those who are performing far below their capacity in academics. Some are very angry with their parents because of the restrictions imposed on them. They want total freedom. Then the parents should tell the children that they can enjoy their freedom within certain limitations. “For instance, I will give you Rs. 100 as pocket money per week. It is for you to restrict your expenditure within that. Never give in to the pleading of the children for more before the end of that week. Stick to that irrespective of the consequences”.

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