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Folly of perfume for dogs

Sometimes, very rarely, something so pointless and barmy turns up, that I wonder whether there is any point to human life, and here comes one of those things: perfume for dogs, at $76 a bottle, a melange of “sweet vanilla bourbon, with grace notes of French blackcurrant and Tunisian neroli.” In case that isn’t enough grand folly for one decade, the London department store Harrods will shortly be introducing their own dog perfume: Sexy Beast.

I suppose this news is amusing, but it has thrown me into a boiling rage. What a sickening waste of money. Fortunately, my Marxist chum Clayden promises that when the revolution comes, some of the first persons up against the wall will be the dog perfume and luxury goods sellers. Good. Anyway, who is it for, this perfume? The dogs or the owners? A person who truly loves doggies will like, or at least not object to, their smell. Wet dog is not too pleasant, but I find that the inside of my dogs’ ears smells fairly heavenly. I thought that dogs were meant to connect you to what’s left of the natural world. They are not here to accessorise airheads. And as for the dogs, they don’t even like perfume. The stench of it makes them wrinkle up their noses and back off, whimpering and sneezing. Nor do my dogs care for the smell of alcohol, air-freshener or vanilla. I’ve just tested them to make sure. They ran away into the garden. — ©Guardian Newspapers Limited, 2007

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