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Who wants to be Prime Minister?

In Pakistan, Prime Ministers have to be self-effacing nobodies in order to last, and, as President Pervez Musharraf famously said, must henceforth function as part of a “troika” with the President and the Chief of the Army Staff.

But the discouraging job-profile does not appear to have deterred thousands of would-be Prime Ministers who want to take a shot at winning the top job — on a reality show on television.

As Pakistan marches towards its controversial parliamentary and provincial elections, a new show on Dawn News television called “Enter the Prime Minister” promises to take viewers on a parallel quest for the “perfect Prime Minister.” With rumours rife and fears widespread that the real contest has already been fixed — right down to the numbers that each party will win — it seems as if the TV show will prove to be the more suspenseful and exciting of the two.

The promos are certainly building the mood. “The nominations are over; the scrutiny begins,” goes one. Between snatches of keen-looking hopefuls telling judges why they think they are the perfect candidate, a deep voice in the background asks in ominous tones: “Have you ever worked for an intelligence agency? Can you bribe to become the Prime Minister?”

According to Azhar Abbas, the reality show’s executive producer, the television channel was flooded with nominations after a full-page newspaper advertisement for ETPM last month called for “bold” and “honest” candidates who “retain an unerring belief in the rule of law” but are “neither dull nor unimaginative.” The show’s perfect candidate, the advertisement said, must be one to “shepherd a nation of activists — not police a fold of huddled sheep.”

In keeping with the mood in Pakistan, there were over 1,000 nominations for the deposed Chief Justice, Iftikhar Chaudhary, and “hundreds” for his lawyer, Aitzaz Ahsan, both under house arrest at the moment.

The show will open with an announcement inviting both to join in when they are released. There were nominations for other political celebrities too such as Shahbaz Sharif, brother of the former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, and his former buddy Mushahid Hussain, now in the opposing Pakistan Muslim League (Q).

Human rights lawyer Asma Jahangir, eminent artist Salima Hashmi who is also the daughter of poet Faiz Ahmed Faiz, and former Senator and one-time Benazir Bhutto adviser Shafqat Mahmood are some of the others.

While the high-profile candidates have been invited to walk into the show, a screening process has just ended for the other aspirants, who include lawyers, businessmen, and young professionals.

As with “Indian Idol” or “Voice of India,” from a hundred or so in the initial rounds, they will be whittled down to the top four in two semi-final encounters and finally to the top two in a grand finale, to coincide with the real election. But that is where the comparison with other such shows ends, according to those behind ETPM.

“This is a game show, but it is a very serious show, it’s not just fun and games,” said Mr. Abbas, who is also the head of news at the channel. “It is basically a debate on political issues, but it is a different way of doing it. We want to set standards for an educated debate.”

The mix of well-known personalities and others is to ensure that the show does not turn trivial and remains focussed on the issues involved in an election.

Some cynics are saying it would have been better to have “Enter the Chief of Army Staff” or “Enter the President,” but the contestants are taking the show as seriously as its producers. “I do not have any delusions that if I win this, I will be invited at once by Musharraf to be sworn in as the real Prime Minister. I know this is a game show. So my aim is to inform and set minimum parameters for the Prime Minister in the real domain. They should know that there are citizens out there who are aware of what’s going on, and it will build up its own pressure point on whoever becomes the Prime Minister ultimately,” said Arshad Bhatti, a 44-year-old consultant who has a degree in development management from the London School of Economics.

Mr. Bhatti, who is also running as an independent candidate in the real-life election, said a three-judge bench “scrutinised” his nomination for the reality show, firing questions at him for exactly nine minutes. His reply to the first question — why do you think you are the perfect candidate for Prime Minister — was: “Because I can think beyond my nose.”

He cites the coffee shop he owns as a perfect example of his boldness, innovative planning, and his politics. Civil Junction was Islamabad’s first 24-hour eat-out place, at a time when restaurants were taking last orders at 10 p.m.

It offers its space for social, political, and environmental causes and is a meeting place for the city’s civil rights activists.

And it is known less for its food and more for its “food for thought” menu that includes Musharraf Guesspresso — “its base is very, very strong and the real kick is in the aftertaste! Served with handpicked cookies”; Military Intervention — “some like it, some hate it but all take it, a beefy main course; quietly cooked in chaotic political pressure cooker; served with opportunist selection of various vegetables in Pakistan (VVIP), and free cup of AccountabilTea”; and to go with it, Sham Democracy — “a fruitful desert; scapegoat’s milk, mixed with contentious split-milk allegations & promises of reformed grazing.”

Those involved with the making of the show said they were impressed with the quality and motivation of aspiring Prime Ministers.

“Mostly they were all sick and tired of the existing system, they hate it and they all said they wanted to change it,” said Mubbashir Zaidi, a senior journalist with Dawn News and one of the three judges during the “scrutiny.”

Many even said they would not live in the Prime Minister’s palatial official home, and would turn it into a public library, or a school.

In the later rounds, the contestants have to face questions not just from a panel of eminent judges that includes scholar Ayesha Jalal, human rights activist Tahira Abdullah, and newspaper editors Arif Nizami and Zaffar Abbas, but also from an invited studio audience. The show will run almost daily from December 25, building up to the final close to the date of the real election.

The winner gets to be Prime Minister of course, but in the tradition of all Pakistan leaders, will get two return tickets for a pilgrimage to Washington D.C. Cheeky or what?

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