Tamil Nadu   

To work or not to work…

“Super Moms” are very much real and endeared today. She is no longer the villain of a conservative household who leaves her children behind to gain her economic independence. Rather, the working mother is fast becoming a role model for the younger lot.

It is said that motherhood comes naturally to women. But what goes unsaid is the amount of work, stress and anxiety it brings along. Especially for the young working mothers, who wants to be with her baby and yet move up the career graph while feeling good and not just guilty. Combining these two is no easy task. But it is not impossible either.

In our society, in fact, all mothers are working mothers. The demands of family life are stressful. To be a wife, mother and sometimes a dutiful daughter-in-law is no less taxing. But if the same woman also happens to go to office or, run a business, then she has no other option but to become a super-mom.

Many working women admit that once they reach office, the “de-stressing” takes place automatically. “This is because, at home, there is always a need for multi-tasking, which can be extremely demanding and tiring. Office environment is relaxed where your work is target oriented and deadline based. Nobody takes you for granted but you command respect for a job well done. Few moments of laughter and jokes with friends and colleagues eases the mental stress,” says Jayanthi working in a printing press.

Women are continuously trying to do a balancing act and new millennium mother is carrying out her dual role as a home maker and a professional with comparative ease and admirably too.

“This is mostly happening in urban India. In small towns and cities women still do face lot of problems juggling between household chores, domestic responsibilities and professional demands because the respective workplaces are not as much mother friendly and neither are the families as supportive,” argues Mehroohnissa, a housewife now.

Though the balancing act is fine, the guilt of leaving behind a child mostly overrides a working woman’s mind. Most of them confront and learn to live with this aspect of child care, shouldering majority duties of child rearing.

"When women go out to work, they also tend to be the primary parents. They end up having a "second shift" at home after they come home from their paid jobs and experience more stress and role conflict than their counterparts, the full-time moms at home," says school teacher Vijayalakshmi.

“Being a happy mother and a happy working woman aren’t mutually exclusive. It’s tough, yes. But there are pleasures too like when your child does well in school and gives you credit with a hug or your boss and clients congratulate you for a successful deal which you made possible by sitting up late in the night and working on it while your kids and spouse slept,” reminds Revathy who has recently rejoined a software company after taking two years of post-natal care of her second daughter.

“It is important for working women to avoid baby fatigue and the physical strains of multi-tasking. They tend to overdo things both in office and at home perhaps thinking they are not able to give themselves fully in either place. But in the process they forget themselves,” says psychologist Kavitha Fenn.

“It is important for every working woman to set aside exclusive time for herself and indulge in small innocuous activities that can have a therapeutic effect and keep her energized,” she adds revealing how she takes dance classes with her daughter as a stress buster.

Maternal instincts perhaps tug the most when a working woman needs to go out of town. “Even if my leave my baby with my husband and in-laws, I can’t stop worrying when I am away. I keep wondering whether the child is missing me and eating well,” is the common refrain. There have been occasions when mothers have had to cancel their out of town trips because the child cried inconsolably and clung to them. But when the father tours, he never suffers the guilt of not being with the child. Only a woman can not escape these pangs of guilt and separation

“A working woman should be able to delegate work at home. From small things like dropping the child at the school bus stop can be done by the father. The child can be persuaded to tidy up his or her room everyday. An occasional baby sitter, either the mother, mother-in-law or a friendly aunty in the neighbourhood can usher in some relief on some sudden emergency working days,” says Chitra who runs an aerobics centre.

Many women have the luxury of a choice and consciously choose to work. There are also those who are driven by financial considerations to take up jobs. Be it career or home, success is not so much about hard work because that every woman puts in voluntarily. It is more about a holistic approach and wholesome attitude and a strong relationship with the spouse in this ever-changing set up of family life.

Soma Basu

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