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A stale serving at the box office this week

ZIYA US SALAM

A RATHER WEAK WEEK: Apoorva Lakhia’s “Mission Istaanbul” and Ganesh Achaarya’s “Money Hai to Honey Hai” fail to hit the bull’s eye.

A RATHER WEAK WEEK: Apoorva Lakhia’s “Mission Istaanbul” and Ganesh Achaarya’s “Money Hai to Honey Hai” fail to hit the bull’s eye.

MISSION ISTAANBUL

(At Delite and other theatres in Delhi and elsewhere)

It is hard to admire “Mission Istaanbul.” Little to appreciate, even less to admire, director Apoorva Lakhia’s film shows all the signs of a bankruptcy of ideas that is the privilege of the mediocre. For all the hype and expectations, “Mission Istaanbul” is a ragtag coalition of inexplicable action, lots of loopholes, and three – or was it four? – songs that do nobody any justice.

Arriving at an intersection of crude commerce and an artiste’s licence to creativity, Lakhia’s film could have been so easily accepted some years ago. Then the audiences would not have read too much into a tagline that accompanies the film’s name: “Darr ke aage jeet hai.” But in circa 2008 now, you have to be particularly dumb or easily acquiescing to ignore this marriage of market with movie. Still, just in case you missed out, a little into the second half the director thrusts a few cans of Mountain Dew in our face. Subtlety is conspicuous by its absence here.

But, hey, a few years back the film would not have seemed as obnoxious as it does now: then the audiences were largely undemanding and happy to clap at a couple of men dropping off a helicopter. Undirected energy went unnoticed, so unaccounted for. Films did not make too much claim on our intelligence. Unfortunately, it is not the same any more. And Lakhia, fresh from the success of his “Shootout at Lokhandwala” not long ago, but a couple of years after directors of all class, language and region have milked the terrorist tap dry, comes up with a film that has such a familiar look to it that you feel, well, you have seen it, heard it, read about it.

Come on, you got to be kidding the audiences, or more likely yourself, if you thought that by putting an oval-faced white man behind an American flag you could sell them the dummy of Bush. Likewise, all the digs at Osama bin Laden, Al Jazeera. Then all the references to the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan. It is reality – or is it perceived reality? – cloaked as poor fiction. The film’s fabric is tearing at the seams. And nobody is fooled.

For convenience, though, Lakhia chooses a simple story: after the U.S. and Britain, Turkey is the next target of terrorists – wonder what happened to India? Was the memory again a sieve? – and one media house has devised a technique whereby a terrorist probably dead is revived through CDs to evoke awe and horror. If there is a guise here, it is thin. If it is an attempt to strike a chord, it fails. A journalist from India ends up joining hands with an Indian at the receiving end of a terrorist attack. And lo, Bush and company might sleep, but they want to put an end to terror by raiding the offices of the channel!

Too many reels are wasted, too much directionless, untamed energy in full blast before the final denouement. And all along, the cast, led by Vivek Oberoi and Zayed Khan, and “helped” by Shriya Saran and newcomer Shwetta Bhardwaj, keeps pace. Never suspected of being generously talented, they compete in evoking yawns, with probably Zayed winning the race. A twitch, a grimace, a sulk is all that he offers from his limited repertoire. Fragmented, deceitful, “Mission Istaanbul” has no sting. As for the chances of box office success, well, mission impossible!

MONEY HAI TO HONEY HAI

(At Spice, Noida, and other theatres)

Here is a film with time-honoured words made in a time-honoured way. But, in an irony of our times, it is not quite an honourable product. Some may find it repulsive, others just right for a light afternoon fare. That is Ganesh Achaarya’s second offering. After the soft and sentimental “Swami,” Ganesh enters more familiar territory with a mainstream commercial saga replete with innuendoes, an item number, and lots of banter. What’s more, it works. A t least for that section of the audiences who are not hamstrung by the baggage of morals inside the auditorium. And who expect nothing more than two hours of entertainment, unencumbered by any larger notions of social responsibility.

Not to say that Ganesh has a winner on his hands. Far from it. The “very recycled” film does not stand the rigours of structure, does not always have a clarity of purpose. Every now and then it sparks to life. Every so often, it fumbles, almost pants to regain direction.

Ganesh relates the oft-told story of a millionaire – a pate-gleaming Prem Chopra – who leaves behind his riches for six young men and women. Beginning with Govinda – more pot-bellied than ever before – and going on to such non-actors as Aftab Shivdasani, Upen Patel, Celina Jaitley and Hansika Motwani, each of whom is a struggler. If Govinda is a stress-buster, Upen is a model who spends all his time in bed with a fashion designer played with utter relish by the ageless Archana Puran Singh. Poor Celina, yes, she is poor, is a fashion designer who wants to take her designs to the masses. And we have the thoroughly under-utilised Manoj Bajpayee, too – a businessman who proceeds from a smart car to a moped to a bicycle.

Along the way, there are takes on the likes of Ekta Kapoor and others. All a mockery. A bit of a sham. A bit sad too, considering Ganesh showed such promise with his first film. And even a mainstream comedy does not have to degenerate to banana peels or nether regions of human anatomy to succeed. However, Ganesh, who also does an item number, deliberately caters to the lowest common denominator. And judging from the reaction of a section of the audiences, with that segment at least it partially succeeds.

Forgettable music, cut-and-paste direction, and a crop of actors who all twitch, whimper and snigger make “Money Hai….” a film that pleases only if you ask no questions. Carry no extra baggage of values or expectations and your money might just buy you a small dash of happiness here. For those with some IQ, some scruples, this saga of money has no honey.

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