RIGHT TURN
The long haul
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It is of paraamount importance to get rid of roadblocks and march towards the desired goal. Defeat or victory, one has to muster a strong willpower.
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I,M ON MY WAY: Willingness to arrive at the desired destination says a lot about a person/creature's resillance. Photo: A. Roy Chowdhury.
WHY DON'T we do things we desperately want to? Why do we always like the final target but not the course of action? For example, a student desires to study hard to get a rank. He procrastinates. A girl wants to lose weight by avoiding sweets. She adjourns. A child resolves to control his T.V. mania. He fails. Why?
Elders say that it is due to lack of will power. They constantly advise us to plan our time or control our eating habits or amend our lifestyle, by developing a strong `determination'. But such advice is often useless because it cannot be easily followed. Our determination itself is not strong enough to develop our willpower. To build up strong strength of will, the important step is to eliminate the roadblocks first.
Five mental blocks
There are five psychosomatic blocks that hamper our way to build up self-discipline and accomplish our good intentions.
* Environment: Environment plays important role in determining our tastes and habits. For example, a girl who wants to lose weight postpones her resolve temporarily, when her friends at a party are enjoying the desserts and lure her. This is the reason why a student who wants to reorganise himself for better should first change his surroundings that stand as a hurdle. This includes his friends' circle and study atmosphere, etc.
* Hidden forces: Sometimes we attribute certain irrational reasons for our failure without analysing the correct hidden flaws, weak spots and deficiencies. A medico who gets poor marks in anatomy may justify himself thinking, `because medicine is dad's choice'. Same way, one may defend his losses saying that he had started his business on an inauspicious day. Many times, we are prone to such self deceptions. By rationalizing our thinking (not easy) and locating the correct cause only, we can conquer our deficiencies like procrastination, fear and tension.
* Self-criticism: Continuous positive evaluation is important for reaching a target. Constant self-criticism, sceptic thinking and own disapproval lead to `resigning to success'. The powerful negative thoughts and endless self-hypnotic depressive suggestions like `I am weak and ugly', `I cannot do this' or `nobody can help me', are the destructive permanent roadblocks to success.
* Captivating activities: Socialising, listening to music and the small screen enthrall us. The grip is so powerful that once we are preoccupied with these activities, we cannot `pull out'. But with a small practice, we can distance from these stimulants. For example, we almost waste every evening watching T.V. Switch it off for a minute and think in stillness, `what is the healthier way to spend my time?' The silence would certainly helps you to come out of your delusion, to do a better thing.
* Coping with defeat: A complex group of forces pushes a person to a corner, wherein he starts enjoying the artificial comfort leading to dangerous consequences later. For instance, a person takes to liquor to avoid problems and unknowingly creates more problems for himself. An overprotective parent produces a more and more helpless child, who enjoys his dependency in the initial stage to suffer at a later stage.
When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild them and set sail once more towards your coveted goal. G.B. Shaw said: "Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent."
Finally one has to note that defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.
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Personality development
Suggest what books I have to read to develop my personality?
Kulkarni, Vijayawada
UNLESS WE know in which direction you want to develop and your basic problems, it is difficult to suggest any book. The popular "success" books have four approaches. Confidence building: These books essentially tell you to recognise your strong points (Ex: books by Carnegie). Goal Mapping: Setting goals and utilizing time effectively (Covey). Inspirational: These books give many illustrations of exceptional people and discuss positive thinking. (Peale, Schuller). The fourth category is about understanding human needs. They describe how to influence or motivate others, usually for your benefit.
Escaping depression
Can a person overcome depression?
Kamala Devi, Suryapet
A COMMON feature of depression is the belief that `escape from misery' is impossible. It is a learned helplessness and hence it is a conditioned response. It develops from a succession of unpleasant events that seem unavoidable and uncontrollable. All conditional responses are curable.
By Yandamoori Veerendranath
(yandamoori@hotmail.com)
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