RIGHT TURN
Success comes in several shapes
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It can take the shape of individual happiness, good family relations or social recognition. Unfortunately many don't consider relationships as a form of success and strive for the other two types
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PHOTO: K.R. DEEPAK
INVALUABLE: Can anything beat a fruitful relationship?
He could be twenty-two years old, masculine; she is nineteen and looks like a lily draped in a leaf. Both silently sat on a cliff watching the setting sun. The sound of the breaking sea waves seemed to play the background music to their silence.
As the sun disappeared into the sea, they came down fingers entwined. The car was lovely and shining. She sat beside him, leaned as if she could not keep that little distance and closed her eyes savouring the sweet and secure sensation...
We sell the incredibly lovely dream to the readers, neatly packed in a paperback. But is it just a swapna? May be not. In the said example, some of the virtues are difficult but not impossible to achieve and others (like masculine chest, lily-like body) may not be possible.
Nothing is surprising, if the couple there was unmarried, or on a honeymoon. They would be in a state of ecstasy. If those on the cliff were an elderly couple, the aroma of companionship of many years could have brought the close intimacy in them. Or, they could have fought for many years and reconciled to silence.
Watching the sun fading into oblivion, there can be people on the hillock, resigned to life, hoping for nothing better, couples living together for the sake of children, those who take refuge in clubs and some others who are workaholics!
If the couple sitting on the hilltop was married for 15-25 and still enjoy the fragrance of each other's companionship, then their marriage is a `sure' success.
Problem solving
Why don't people, who wish to share a beautiful dream jointly, not understand sharing the beauty of solving a problem mutually? Isn't the joy of resolving a problem jointly equal to the joy of watching the sunset together?
At a workshop conducted for unemployed youth, when I asked "What is success?" the answer that impressed me most was, "Success means satisfaction."
Unfortunately many misunderstand success with contentment. Success is a continuous process. Triumph in studies, victory in games, the first pay packet, our children scoring better than others, recognition in friends and relatives, buying a vehicle, owning a house, a pleasure trip in summer, speaking for the first time without stage fear, consoling someone in sorrow, advising a friend -- all are successes!
Success can be categorized into three types: individual happiness, success with family and social success.
Individual happiness includes listening to music, gardening, meditation and painting etc.
Good cheer forever
Success in partnership means relationship between father and child, wife and husband etc. It is difficult to achieve compared to the other two. And those who succeed in this sphere will stay cheerful forever. Unfortunately many people, who don't recognize this as a success, try to locate pleasures in the first or third categories. Many students complain about their parents', particularly father's lack of expression of love and communication.
Social success means gaining recognition socially or economically. Some prominent people like industrialists, film personalities and leaders who gained social success may be failures in family partnerships. There could be two reasons. In the initial phase of marriage, they might have been so involved in work that their people distanced themselves. Or they might have been unhappy with their life partner and compensated through hard work. At this stage, money and recognition satisfies their ego more than admiration from their family.
No one in this world is completely selfish, or completely selfless. A compassionate man and an intelligent woman may not make their marital life satisfactory. A stunningly beautiful girl's love for a handsome guy may end in 10 months. Why are people unhappy?
There are reasons for this. But these problems can be solved. What is needed is an understanding of own-self (what am I), understanding you (what are you), and how to maintain good relations with people around (us). Not being able to understand the concept of "You... I... We" and our relationship with the outside world (us) is the basic problem.
YANDAMOORI VEERENDRANATH
yandamoori@yahoo.com
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