Know Your English
“My mom tells me your nephew will be spending a week with you.”
“Wow, news really travels fast around here.”
“It certainly does. Tell me, what's your nephew like?”
“Oh, you two will get along famously. Like you, he's a confirmed vidiot.”
“Did you just call me an idiot?”
“I didn't say, ‘idiot'. I said, ‘vidiot'.”
“What does it mean?”
“What is it that you do most of the time?”
“Play video games, of course.”
“And that's what a vidiot does as well. He plays video games all the time. You could say that he is addicted to video games. The word is a combination of video and idiot.”
“Many of my friends are vidiots.”
“A vidiot is also someone whose intelligence level has decreased because he has been constantly playing video games or watching too much TV. If you ask me, the younger generation is full of vidiots.”
“I don't agree with that at all. Your friend Harish is a vidiot, isn't he?”
“He certainly is. He is waiting for approval from corporate to buy some new game. I believe it's really expensive.”
“Approval from corporate! You mean your company allows you to buy video games?”
“Of course, not! The expression ‘approval from corporate' is used to refer to one's significant other. The spouse who controls the purse strings.”
“So in Harish's case, it's his wife who looks after the finances. Therefore, he has to get her approval before he buys anything.”
“Exactly! Usha is waiting for approval from corporate to buy a new sofa set for the house.”
“Do you think she'll get approval from corporate? What do you think Raghu will say?”
“I don't know. Getting approval from the likes of Raghu is like herding cats.”
“I've heard of people herding cows, not cats.”
“One can round up cows quite easily. But cats are rather difficult. Getting all of them to move in the same direction is next to impossible.”
“Therefore when you say that something is like herding cats, it means that you are trying to achieve the impossible. You are attempting to perform an impossible task.”
“Good job. Getting my boss to commit to something is like herding cats.”
“How about this example? Getting our students to hand in their project on time is like herding cats.”
“Sounds good. Did your cousin manage to get to Delhi?”
“Yes, he did. Apparently, he travelled for some time in the pantry car.”
“That must have been pretty exciting. Did he get to eat a lot of bread?”
“Bread! What are you talking about?”
“The word pantry comes from the Latin ‘panis' meaning, ‘bread'.”
“I see. So a pantry is a place where people make bread.”
“Exactly. And a companion was...”
“It also has the word ‘pan' in it.”
“As I was saying, a companion was someone with whom you shared your bread.”
“Really? Hey, there's some bread on the table. Can I be your companion for the day?”
“I don't share my ‘panis' with vidiots like you!”
* * *
“Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial ‘we'.” — Mark Twain
S. UPENDRAN
upendrankye@gmail.com
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