Laugh with Art Buchwald
V. GANGADHAR
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Satirist Art Buchwald chose his targets from the real world around him.
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Photo: AP
Universal appeal: Art Buchwald's goofy ideas brightened lives all over the world.
AMERICAN men are reasonably tall but once they get married they get progressively shorter. This is because, almost every day, their wives cut them down to size. One of the hazards of married life!
In the Arab-Israeli dispute, the Soviet Union always supported the Arabs and was hostile to Israel. But did you know that the Soviet Union used to supply arms secretly to Israel? How? During the Arab-Israeli wars, rhe USSR regularly provided the Arab nations with weapons knowing fully well these would fall into Israeli hands after they had routed the Arab armies. This was the Soviet ruse to provide clandestine arms to Israel!
Why did Soviet leader Nikita Khruschev play badminton without the usual net with former US Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, during the latter's Moscow visit in the 1960? Some theories: Khruschev wanted to get his points across to Rusk directly and did not need the net. Instead of a net, Khruschev wanted to install a missile site, but was dissuaded by his advisors. Like so many other Marxist illusions, Khruschev thought there was a net, when actually there was none. Khruschev had loaned the net to China at a previous meet, and Chairman Mao refused to return it. Russian badminton factories had not completed their net quotas for 1963 and Khruschev was embarrassed to admit the fact. The Russian leader had a weak forehand and did not want Rusk to know this.
Why not a tax on jogging, a pastime favoured by millions of Americans? After all, the joggers use government roads, pavements and gardens and give nothing back in return. To start with $5 tax should be levied on the joggers, which would benefit the treasury.
General De Gaulle, the French President, was told on the eve of a state visit to the U.S. that President Johnson would not meet him at Washington but at his Texas ranch. He and the First Lady would travel in a golf cart. The French President would be measured for a 10 gallon hat and cowboy boots, asked to be present at a sheep shearing ceremony and preside over a barbecue. And would the French President mind getting on a horse and chase some cattle, just in the spirit of things?
Goofy ideas? Perhaps, but they made millions of people laugh and were the contents of a syndicated newspaper column, which appeared in nearly 600 papers. The author? Art Buchwald, America's premier satirist who died recently at the age of 81.
Comic relief
Buchwald, along with New York Times' Russell Baker, provided relief to Americans from Cold War politics, economic depression, youth unrest, growing crime rate, drug abuse and so on. His columns, which first appeared in the New York Herald Tribune, were later syndicated.
Buchwald enjoyed life and was a member of the jet set during the Kennedy era. He constantly poked fun at the hypocrisy and pomposity of American politicians who thought that bombs and missiles could solve all problems. His favourite targets were President Nixon and Republican Senator Barry Goldwater, a passionate bomb lover.
Buchwald's humour had universal appeal. Several years back, just before Jackie Kennedy married Greek billionaire, Aristotle Onassis, he wrote that Jackie had no right to marry till the issue was debated in all popular TV shows, media editorials, and public discussions.
His satire sprang from reality. When he wrote that the Latin American nations, should divide equally the chances of organising the next military coup among the army, navy and air force, he was highlighting the volatile politics and political unrest of the region.
Defying death
Buchwald was ailing for a long time and one of his legs had to be amputated for kidney failure. Doctors held out no hope and he was admitted to a hospice. But Buchwald defied death, laughed at it and continued to write his columns. In fact, his last book was published when I was in the US and it was a star-studded event. Tired of living in the hospice, he returned home, finally death claimed him. Buchwald lived joyously and that is how he should be remembered.
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