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Magazine
MENTAL HEALTH
The buzzword is pressure
DR. R. THARA
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As World Mental Health Week is being observed, the self-indulgent attitude of today’s youngsters is a cause for concern.
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Modelling is the commonest way of learning behaviours during childhood and unhealthy models can send wrong signals.
That old hag; the screaming brat are common statements. But are they being used more by today’s youth? Is respect for elders fast declining? Do children take time off to care for their siblings or pets? Do they show concern when a family member
is ill or volunteer to help?
These are burning concerns for many parents and grandparents. As a practising psychiatrist, I see an increasing number of youth exhibiting a significant lack of concern and disregard for what goes on in their families. Total preoccupation with their lives and needs seems to hold sway. Despite my two decades of experience, I had a tough time keeping a straight face when an 11-year-old “confided” his desire to inherit his “old man’s” property and wondered why he had to wait until his father’s death. All said without a tinge of discomfort.
No communication
Many parents say that relationship with their children seems to be a “one-way traffic” based only on immediate gratification of their needs, which are almost always material. Emotional needs seem to have receded into the background or they are felt to be inappropriate or childish to express. Communication has come to a standstill.
Computers and TV provide more companionship than human beings and are increasingly sought. Violence is not anathema any more. Stealing money from parents’ wallets, lying, use of street drugs and alcohol have become a part of life for many adolescents. Today’s children are exposed to too much too soon. This is especially true in money matters. Fathers working abroad send lavish gifts in an attempt to compensate for their absence. Expensive computers, music systems, credit cards are freely available, without any accountability.
Sports and games train us to accommodate and take success and failure in our stride. Unfortunately, their constructive aspect has to be reiterated to both parents and children. During programmes in schools on aspects of mental health, both students and parents often question the need for sports and their utility in life. For some children, games are synonymous with video games. Lack of physical activity and intake of junk food has contributed to obesity and ill health in many children.
What are the factors responsible for this changing scene? The buzzword is pressure and its attendant tensions. Pressure to perform not just in studies, but in other activities, has restricted and hampered their daily routine. Most children start the day with tuitions and coaching classes followed by a series of never-ending tasks, all geared towards a super-heroic performance. Parents, they say, are unable to accept defeat in their plans and are uncompromising in their expectations. Children become the channel to satisfy or fulfil their own thwarted ambitions and hopes. Inability to cope with these pressures leads to depression, anxiety, refusal to go to school, phobias, running away from home and, in an extreme form, suicide.
The other side
What do the youngsters have to say? Parents do not spend much time with their children. They are keen to draw up agendas and plan the daily schedule of the children instead of listening to them. Sometimes, there appears to be double standards: as parents glue themselves to the TV, children wonder why they cannot watch some of their favourite programmers. Some perceptive children have noticed their parents’ indifferent attitude to their grandparents and are concerned. Modelling is the commonest way of learning behaviours during childhood and unhealthy models can send wrong signals.
Listening to children’s experiences in school, however trivial; reading aloud; spending time with the children’s friends help the process of bonding and instil a feeling of security in children. Only then do they believe there is a “friend” at home in whom they can confide or discuss their concerns.
Teachers who used to be idolised and revered no longer occupy that position. Too many students, under-qualified teachers, greater emphasis on marks and academic performance has led to a lack of personal bonds between students and teachers. “My teacher knows only my marks, not me..,” one student said. The focus has shifted from building good character to amassing marks.
Bereft of emotional support from parents and teachers, many children turn to their peers for support. This bond seems paramount in their lives.
However, these observations can by no means be applied generally. I have been moved by the sincere warmth and goodwill of several youngsters, many of whom volunteer for social and religious causes. There are children who excel in sports, debates and art. However, as former President Dr. Kalam often remarked, the youth are the nation’s treasure. It make us feel disillusioned and concerned when we repeatedly come across erosion of value systems, poor frustration tolerance and lack of concern for fellow beings. A concerted effort is required to address these issues in a systematic fashion.
The writer is a Chennai-based psychiatrist.
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