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Magazine
Where did we go wrong?
ANJALI GOPALAN
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In the light of the recent school shootout in Gurgaon, society needs to re-examine its attitudes and responsibilities towards children.
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As adults, do we mix up firmness with inflexibility or feel that by being firm we are being uncaring and undemocratic?
Photo: AP
A violent world: Teach children compassion and goodwill.
The shootout at a school in Gurgaon, where two boys killed another student, an alleged bully, was the kind of violence that has all the makings of a tragedy waiting to happen.
I have worked with children, especially those from extremely difficult circumstances such as orphaned children affected by and living with HIV, and I realise that we now part of a society in transition. Unfortunately children are not spared its many consequences — good, bad and indifferent. We are not quite clear about what we expect from children; yet we do not hesitate to set impossible goals and standards. As parents and gatekeepers, we are at best extremely confused. We swing from one extreme of frowning upon all deviations and exceptions to another of being so indulgent that we actually teach a 14-year-old how to handle a revolver.
Consider the other circumstances. The school is an elite one in one of the fastest growing satellite towns. Consider also the scramble to get into it and the kind of parents who can afford to send their wards to such schools. Admission procedures for many such high-profile schools have come in for much attention and scrutiny with even the courts stepping in to arbitrate.
Is there too much parental pressure to get into such schools? Are the students being pushed too much to perform better? Are there no outlets for their energies? Is it pent-up rage and frustration that manifests in such violence? Or is it the influence of the visual media and newspapers that are full of violence leading these young minds to emulate them. Or is it a way of getting attention, since the people who make news and whose pictures get printed are those prone to violence? In short, is this a reflection of the gradual de-humanisation of civil society as a whole?
Diverse causes
There are diverse factors that cause such things to happen — sociological, psychological and societal tectonic shifts and adjustments. But let us examine the boomtown phenomenon first.
The gradual expansion of cities along the fringes has spawned a new phenomenon that has to be taken note of and that needs to be re-examined. It is the acquisition of land, often farmland, and the pauperisation of those who have been living on that land for generations. After getting their compensation, they have been disposed off in every sense of the word — their land as well as their livelihood. They have to come to terms with their loss of land and adjust to the new status of the dispossessed. If the compensation is sufficient or above prevailing prices, it creates another problem. This new bounty can cause other undesirable effects.
In the present case, the parents of both the victim and the ones who committed the crime come from more or less similar backgrounds. They had just moved into the city and admitted their children into this elite school so that they could have the education that they themselves had been deprived of. But they had also come into sudden riches and one way is through real estate. One father runs a transport business, another avenue for making it big. This newfound status and way of life, we assume, led to other pressures. May be they perceived new forms of “domination” and “exclusion”.
Social differences
Then there are social differences that are sometimes manifested in remarks or attitude that cause hurt or feelings of inferiority or oppression. These feelings can suddenly burst out in aggressive behaviour or spurts of violence in otherwise docile children. In this case, the children owned up to the killing and felt no “remorse” about the act. They were handed over to the police and subsequently moved to the juvenile home. However the parents remained untraceable until they surrendered to the police later.
It is unnerving that these youngsters thought the best way to resolve the issue was to kill their classmate. Ostensibly, there was no room for negotiation or talking over the issue. We are dealing with a disturbing level of anger and frustration that resulted in two children taking the drastic step of killing a classmate. The parents and teachers were oblivious of what the children were going through.
However, the reality is more complex than what appears on the face of it. In fact, the boys had approached the Principal on the trouble they were facing but it was treated as a casual, everyday tiff part of the usual one-upmanship when young boys try to settle scores with each other. In the media, the Principal has been quoted as saying that, when the boys approached her, she made them talk to each other, patched things up, made them shake hands. She imagined all was well. Evidently the adults were too busy to understand the young minds.
The children, of course, not only knew how to use the gun but also planned out how to go about killing their classmate. Now they are lodged at the Juvenile Home in Faridabad. One wonders who is responsible for their present plight. Ever since the incident, they have been treated as outcasts by their parents, school, friends and society at large. Are we in a position to disown our children, especially when we are all struggling to understand this phenomenon?
Periodically, when such an incident happens, educationists, parents, sociologists and even the police discuss measures to prevent future outbreaks. But very rarely are there follow ups with the result that when something like this happens, they are taken aback.
What about values?
As adults, especially those shaping the lives of children, as parents, caregivers, teachers and members of civil society, we need to stop and rethink about the way we are treating our children. Are we providing them the right kind of education or passing on the correct values? Are we able to provide them with good role models? We all know that, with no proper anchoring in values or role models, they tend to sway to any trend that catches their fancy. Imagined wrongs can drive them to violence. Ridicule, taunts or bullying by bigger boys (as is supposed to have happened in the Gurgaon case) can result in retaliatory measures.
So, as parents, the question we need to ask ourselves is whether we have imparted to our children right values like respect, love and tolerance? Have we taught children to function within boundaries? As adults, do we mix up firmness with inflexibility or feel that by being firm we are being uncaring and undemocratic?
It is high time schools taught their wards that, apart from competition and grades, it is also necessary to learn camaraderie, bonding and qualities such as compassion and goodwill and the need to go out of one’s way to help others. Do they not need to do more to foster outdoor activities like sports or excursions or even working with craftspeople? Incidents like the Gurgaon shootout point towards the fact that we are somewhere failing in our roles and responsibilities as adults. As a young nation, we need to shape our future. We need to take the first step so that our children can inherit a better tomorrow.
Anjali Gopalan is the Founder of the Naz Foundation (India) Trust and has worked on care and support for people living with HIV. She has been advocating for the rights of children living with HIV. .
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