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Magazine
GROWING UP YEARS
Never let the child walk away
DR. VASANTHI VASUDEV
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The moment a child ceases to be considered one and becomes a student is the moment the struggle begins. For the child as well as the parent.
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Photo: Arunangsu Roy Chowdhury
Simple joys of childhood: Nurture the child, everything else will take care of itself.
Sita stood in front of the large French windows in a plush Boston Hotel, overlooking the MIT campus. Today was her grandson’s graduation ceremony; Her son Arun was a successful hotelier; the proud owner of the famous Indian restaurant chain, “Sitasons”. Time seemed to telescope as Sita reminisced the long years of Arun’s bumpy ride through school and college until he found his niche in hospitality studies and made it big time in his business. Sita’s eyes glistened in relief.
Sita’s story is the story of many parents who go through years of struggle and trauma that ends either in a success story or in bitter disappointment and guilt or blame. The issue is not why are there so many Sitas. The crux of the matter is finding the success mantra that makes the struggle worthwhile.
Moment of transition
Where does the story of the struggle begin? It begins with the metamorphosis of a child into a student that seems to happen like any natural occurrence although this transformation is laden with innumerable and very serious ramifications. When does a child actually assume the form and colours of a student?
Actually, the story of the child begins differently with: “I want to have a bonny boy, or no! I want a darling girl”! And then, before the child is born, “what will the child look like?” is the point of debate and much expectation. In most cases, the new born child is first rated for its physical appearance and lauded for its stark similarity to someone in the family: father or mother or an aunt or grandparent. In due course of time, its speech, its play, its antics, its tantrums become the focus of comment and comparison and the child is admired for its remarkable speech and intelligent actions. It is natural for family members to see themselves in the child and to revel in the alikeness.
Soon, the parents and the entire family begin to plan the child’s education and even prepare the child for its admission into prestigious schools.
And then, almost overnight, the change of status happens in the psyche of the parent. From the word go, the child is viewed as a student, and the ability of the child to fit into the school system and its demands becomes the yardstick or measure of success.
The rhythm of school life is the “mantra” or chant of existence and the child’s entire life moves in line with the school calendar. The child’s bio-rhythms have to match with school timings and his aptitude and abilities need to fit in with the school curriculum. Academic performance becomes the foremost expectation and the child carries on its head the weighty hat of “student”! And this is a hat that it can scant cast away. The child who is student first and child only next wears the hat for the whole of childhood and the greater part of adolescence, and all through its journey — maybe into the woods of academic woes or perhaps into the oasis of scintillating performance. And the mood of the parents and family also swing high and low as go the scores on the report card.
And by then, in most cases, it matters not whether it was a bonny boy or a darling girl. It’s the 1st ranking student with “well done keep it up” on record or middle ranking student with many “Can do betters” whom parents have to deal with. It also seems insignificant whether the child is outgoing or shy, whether she can draw or sing or whether he is tall and athletic or short and phlegmatic. What is the score in Math, and how go the sciences? These are the cause of perennial stress and struggle. Which are the best careers in today’s scenario? Which are most coveted, that carry the promise of booming opportunities? Which schools and colleges are the best of the pick? And what scores will take students there? Such are the questions that cloud parents’ minds.
This quest for finding the best paying and frontline jobs and the pressure of academics that can validate the quest often becomes the yoke that clenches the neck of the hapless student. Colourful butterflies of childhood dreams have flown out the window and along with them, has walked away the forsaken child. The burdened student drags his feet as he trudges along the uphill path of parental expectation and personal ambition.
Parents and teachers need to watch this transformation very carefully. At every juncture of a child’s academic journey, parents need to keep the pace and the direction in tune with the child’s natural endowments and propensities. They need to look at every child as a unique student who can draw from the academic environment that which he likes and is capable of benefiting from. The student is a unique child and it is the child’s uniqueness that needs to be cherished and nurtured.
Take the example of the heroine of our story; Sita did not flinch in her determination to find a course of study that was in tune with Arun’s natural endowment. Arun was a very affable and extroverted child who liked being outdoors. His two passions were cycling and music! He liked the study of languages, was good at debating and above all, enjoyed doing things for others.
Maths terrified him and his father’s heart sank when he shirked out of the study of sciences and instead, found refuge in the study of commerce and accountancy. He would have loved to study language or literature, but there were two odds! His school did not offer that course and neither Arun nor Sita were ready to take on society. “What? Is your son is doing English? Oh what happened? “
Arun plodded on with Commerce. Not that he did not fare well, but his heart was not in these subjects. It was almost by intuition that he made up his mind to go abroad to study hospitality. But what a furore this decision caused! Sita battled with the family to get Arun off to Switzerland. But she knew that this was for his best. All his PR skills, his unflappable demeanour, his skill in languages would all find fruition in the hospitality industry! And Arun never looked back since then. To Sita, Arun was her child first and child always.
Child first, student next
If the child is viewed as a child first and student next, his life will be filled with positive energy and vigour. Students will feel encouraged to take courses of study that match their interests, abilities and goals. And teachers will also begin to view students as unique individuals and not group them as a class. Teachers will open themselves to “differentiated teaching and testing” possibilities and schools will be willing to offer more choices in the courses of study. Learning will indeed become more personalised!
It goes without saying that for such an empathetic and student-friendly approach to become a reality, our present day schools need re-definition and traditional methods of teaching and class room structure need remarkable transformation. Without asking “who is to bell the cat ?”, schools, teachers, parents and boards of education need to work synergistically to put the child first in every which way.
Actually, what seems a very complex educational problem has a very simple solution. If the child is nurtured, the student in him will naturally flower and then without doubt the paradigm becomes win-win for all.
The author is an educational consultant and runs Osmosys Learning Poducts and Services: www.osmosysinfo.com
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