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Magazine
Dollars and desis
SADAF SIDDIQUE
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It has been drilled into our heads that we must be parsimonious penny pinchers.
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In my first few groggy days of battling jet lag, I let the better and more acquainted half deal with the basics. On one of my ravenous three AM forays into the kitchen, I espied a crumpled receipt. Smoothing it out as I bit into some toast, a quick glance showed we had spent three dollars on bread. The fog instantly lifted from my sleep-deprived mind as quick mental math revealed we had spent Rs. 120 on a loaf of bread.
I let out an involuntary gasp. 120 rupees! On a loaf of bread! (I can hear the collective disapproving clucking of all you U.S. returns listing at least five places he could have got it cheaper.) In India I could have fed ten families on that! That instant marked the beginnings of my many bouts with sticker shock.
I voiced my conversion concerns to friends and family who would regale me with tips and tales of cash-conscious desis. As it turns out, I am not alone. I share a true blue (brown?) trait with many of my brethren. Face it: we are cheap. I don’t mean cheap in an ogling polyester-wearing-rubber-chappal-donning-paan-chewing- greasy haired kind of way, though there are those as well, I mean, we (yes, yes, am generalising again — so sue me) simply don’t want to spend money.
Raised on tales of parental (and grand parental and great grand uncle three times removed) hardships, it has been practically drilled into our heads that we must be parsimonious penny pinchers. We have made frugality to an art form, constantly stalking for bargains, ( http://www.thehindu.com/mag/2008/05/18/stories/2008051850030200.htm) clipping newspaper coupons and scouring sales racks.
We puff with bleary eyed pride upon recalling the 22-hour 12,000-odd mile drive all the way from Toronto to Florida, tout the fact that we stood in line for four hours to return a five dollar item because it was cheaper (or better yet, free) elsewhere and see no shame in buying a digital camera, and returning it to the store after the trip.
Ideally real
The dividing line between being cheap and frugal is mostly non-existent and at best a blur. Sometimes it’s like competing for the Kaun Banega Cheapskate sweepstakes. There are some serious contenders - the 30 odd dining desis who left a $1 tip, the family who reuses their paper towels, the software engineer who packs tiffins of free food from the office party, the expecting couple who spent the night on the highway, to name a few.
The next generation is also holding steadfast to our money values. In the spirit of sharing and stretching their six figure salaries, there are at times six people sharing a two bedroom apartment. Did I say a two bed? Sorry, I meant a one bedroom apartment.
On a date
A date (yes unsuspecting mothers, your pawaam boys are dating but fear not! They are doing it on the cheap!) with a desi male is a socio-economic study on skimping. If you order the diet coke and salad, he starts perspiring while mentally berating you for not ordering the Big Coke. (You could have shared the free refills!) While he sips his water (no ice), he becomes more and more agitated as you order the main meal and don’t even begin to think about dessert, for our man is already in Stage One of cardiac arrest.
When the bill arrives, he’ll point out that you chose the most expensive item on the menu and then gallantly whip out his wallet and say, “Ok, so that’s five dollars a piece.” And this is at Mc Donalds, the nation’s ubiquitous (albeit non-vegetarian) udipi restaurant.
Of course there are some things that desis will splurge on. Big houses, bigger home entertainment systems and gas-guzzling SUVs; the fancier, the better. The upwardly mobile inwardly khanjoos desi will drive his BMW convertible complete with BOSE speakers to shop at Costco (the Indian equivalent of shopping at a wholesale mandi albeit with air conditioning and aisle traffic), fuel up his tank there as well and end it all with dinner at Taco Bell.
Even if he lives in sunny Silicon Valley country, known for its California cuisine and the best Mexican food north of the border! He will invariably dine at a chain restaurant because, and I quote, “Arre yaar, Taco Bell burritos are 10 cents cheaper!” (and you can steal the Tabasco bottles.)
In a time of economic recession (come on America, face up to it!), rising fuel and food prices, perhaps being a tightwad has its pay back. We desis need to re-brand our miserly status. Instead of being labelled cheap, we can institute a movement to call ourselves “economically conscious consumers”.
Reusing wrapping paper?
It’s recycling!
Recycling gifts?
It’s sharing!
Reusing paper towels?
Being eco-friendly!
No tips?
Um, that’s still cheap fellas....
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