Humour
Who moved my parking space?
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Do you seriously think that the next world war will be fought over water and not parking space? INDU BALACHANDRAN
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My neighbour Savita has solved the parking problem by buying herself the world’s thinnest car, also known as a cycle…
The next World War won’t be over religious beliefs, or country borders, or as some environmentalists warn us, over water. Psychological experts believe, and I am one of them, that the next major outbreak of global aggression will be over parkin
g space.
I have just returned from a shopping trip to the other part of town. Jammed with parked cars, of course. So I drove my car endlessly at 5 kmph, burnt up two litres of petrol, craned my head sideways left and right, searching relentlessly for one clear space somewhere, anywhere, to park my car. At last I spotted it. A free parking space! I smartly slid my car in before anyone else did. As I triumphantly emerged from my car, the building just opposite me looked very familiar. Which was natural, as I was now right outside my own house again.
Ingenious solution
My neighbour Savita, Savvy for short, has solved the parking problem by buying herself the world’s thinnest car, also known as a cycle, and is able to squeeze it in wherever she wants. But since Nanos continue to be invented and manufactured, we must find ways to control road rage, or rather parking rage — which, apparently, is a world-wide phenomenon now.
And one of the reasons the rage is growing exponentially is the presence of a cold-blooded terrorist to be found on every road now, called the Parking Attendant. It is his job to render himself totally invisible with a magic potion, and just as you emerge from your parked car, sweating joyfully and punching a fist in the air that you found a parking space at last, the Terrorist will suddenly materialise next to your car, saying “You cannot park here”.
Be nice!
Perhaps that special space is reserved for the Union Minister for Road Transport. Perhaps that sacred space is where a famous national leader lies buried and is now a World Heritage site. You’re never going to know why you can’t park there because you are so terrified of having an argument with the terrorist and walking away…only to return and find a mysterious scratch all along your shiny car (made with the very same 5 rupee coin you tossed at him angrily as parking fees), so you have no choice but to pull out and begin your search for another space all over again.
And it’s no use pointing shoppers towards the super duper malls — which come with their own skyscraper next door, which is several floors of exclusive parking slots. My pal Shobita is still going up and down wondering where she parked her car, after she finished shopping there a couple of days ago.
As for me, I always go giddy going round and round along the spiraling ramp…until I see an astounding sight! A family walking towards their parked car with their bags, all shopping done! I cleverly pause a little behind, waiting for them to pull out (even as I hold up 20 impatient cars behind me). But HEY, what’s happening in there? It seems like they’ve decided to have a long-pending family get-together right then, inside the car—and simply NEVER come out of their precious parking space. So with the din of 20 angry blaring cars behind, I am forced to drive on, forwards…just in time for that family to end their mysterious meeting, reverse out, so that the car behind me neatly gets that prime piece of real estate.
There is also the extreme case of my pal Mohan who leaves home early every morning, smugly parks his car in the best slot outside his office by 7a.m., and returns home by auto-rickshaw, and gets back to his office again by 9.30 a.m., in another auto-rickshaw…And takes his car out of its coveted parking space, only at day’s end to go back home.
Meanwhile, with our city corporation tearing down giant unauthorised hoardings for jewellery shops, sari shops etc, store owners have become extremely clever, putting up “mini hoardings” on all our gates, on the pretext of warning us hapless motorists: No Parking In Front of This Gate. I remember this message used to be written by our watchman himself on a humble piece of cardboard. But now, my building gate alone has four of these colourfully painted warnings — sponsored by different shops in the vicinity. And I urge retail outlets with small advertising budgets to be quick and grab the remaining spaces on my gate: there is room to squeeze in just two more boards.
Infinite possibilities
In fact, copywriters can use the opportunity to tailor messages that combine their client’s name with “No Parking” messages, and win awards. For example: “No parking of vehicles here. But do park your money in our Mutual Funds” is begging to be taken by finance companies. “Parking Not Aloud” cleverly combines an anti-noise pollution message by an NGO. “Park-a Mudiyadha?….”(Cannot park here?) can be an ingenious way for an optician to advertise his eye testing facility as the same sentence also means “cannot see…”
Okay. That was a bad one. But better solutions can surely be worked out — cleverly combining a client’s services with “No Parking” messages, so do drop in any time for free advice.
But remember, please don’t park your car in front of my gate.
indubee8@yahoo.co.in
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