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More than your own
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Adoption involves all the joys, pains, and preparations that go into the nine-month wait for a baby
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Adoption calls for meticulous attention to detail
"SHE'S A different and special mum, because she's been born out of papa's stomach!" six-year-old Ratan earnestly tells his mother, Vimala Crasta. The conversation revolves around Mihika, Ratan's eight-year-old sister.
A garment manufacturer by profession, Ms. Crasta is the mother of three children: Ranjan (14), Mihika (8), and Ratan (6). Mihika is no different from her two siblings, except for one truth: she's been adopted.
"The desire to adopt was always there, even before we had Ranjan, our first biological child. But we got around to adopting Mihika only after Ranjan's birth. Then we had our second biological child, Ratan," explains Crasta.
Mihika has known the truth about adoption since she was two-and-a-half. Initial rejection followed another initiation at age five. By six, says Ms. Crasta, Mihika realized there was nothing wrong with it."
Today, the Crasta family is a close knit one with Mihika mothering the youngest. Ms. Crasta proudly proclaims: "She is everything one would want in a daughter."
Adoption is difficult, and requires the same amount of preparation as the nine-month wait for a baby. If the couple decides to go in for adoption after attempts at conception, they will have to come to terms with an infertility problem affecting either spouse. Then comes the decision to adopt a baby. That taken, they have to approach a children's home.
The home authorities visit the couple's home and counsel them. They submit a report. After visits to the courts, foster care dawns: adoption deed in one hand and a baby in the other. And the beginning of a whole new world...
Adoption calls for a meticulous consideration of details. Says Priya David, social worker with Ashraya Children's Nursing Home: "Everything is examined, right from the motivation to adopt to the documents. In fact, the home study takes one to two months. There have been times when we think the couple is not ready and have asked them to re-consider."
Such thorough inspection is what lays the foundation for a successful adoption.
For in-country adoption, follow-up reports are required for a year, and for inter-country adoptions, for five years.
A large number of Indian children find homes abroad. "Particularly in the U.S., Spain, Italy, and Sweden," says Shanti Chacko of Ashraya Children's Nursing Home. Couples and single parents are willing to adopt siblings as well as challenged children.
"Recently, a Norwegian couple adopted four siblings," says Uma T.N., co-ordinator for Shishu Mandir. "Trends in adoption have changed. Earlier a couple would wait till they were 45 to 50 to adopt. Now couples in their late 20s and early 30s go in for adoption."
Ms. Uma says the demand has shifted from the boy child to the girl. Also, parents do not give as much significance to the child's past. The main intention is to rehabilitate the child and give it a new life.
It certainly is a new life, both for the child as well as the family it is going into. Dr. Saraswati Srinath, a gynaecologist, is an adoptive parent. Her eyes light up as she speaks of her 12-year-old daughter. "We told the truth about her adoption when she was three. She was too young to understand then, but we started the process. We would read to her from picture books about adoption. But it is a lifelong process and whenever questions are raised, we'll deal with them."
Dr. Srinath is also the founder of Sudatta, a support group for adoptive families. Their main aim is to dispel myths about adoption. They hold meetings, seminars, and workshops to create awareness about adoption and to lend support to each other.
"Sudatta has been there when I needed help the most. The empathy and support that I have got from this group is something I could never have got from talking to a non-adoptive parent. You cannot realise its value unless you join," says Vimala Crasta.
Dr. Subramanium agrees. "Sudatta has given us all strength. Through suggestions, we find solutions. There are people from all walks of life, it's like the whole of India is represented." His son, Rohit, was adopted when he was three-and-a-half months old.
According to Dr. Srinath, the challenges of adoptive and biological parenthood are the same. Then, it's probably time to do some soul searching and ask ourselves if we have it in ourselves to touch a life and weave it into our own.
For further information, contact Ashraya at Jawans' Quarters, B.D.A. Park, Double Road, Indiranagar I Stage. Phone: 5251929. E-mail: ashchild@bgl.vsnl.net.in.
(Sudatta is conducting a parent-preparation module for the benefit of people considering adoption on January 17 at Mathruchaya Canara Bank Relief and Welfare Society, Banashankari II Stage. You can contact Sudatta on 6581980 or 98450-56517.)
RESHA DESAI
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