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When silence speaks, it speaks strong
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Silence can be an effective communication tool too.
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BLARING HORNS, rings and beeps of cell phones, blaring TVs, loud music, spiritual calls of religion, talk, talk, talk — all blend into a cacophony that attacks us from all sides all through the day. Though we love to get some respite from this onslaught and crave silence, when actually faced with it, are we really comfortable?
Silence is hard to define. It is the quietness and the total lack of sound, or speech, on one side; on the other hand, it deafens and frightens us with its loudness! The impact of silence in communication is again contradictory within a cultural context. In Japan, silence is an integral part of an individual's communication skills. They use silence as a time to think about the meaning behind a silence in a conversation. What makes us so uncomfortable with silence during a conversation that we are willing to blurt the first thing that pops in our head? There is an unspoken pressure to keep conversation flowing and we tend to read hidden meanings. Why aren't they talking? What are they thinking? What will come next? There is a feeling of complete loss of control. Silence is not often perceived as a powerful communication tool, in today's frantic world. Yet, the strategic use of silence — ranging from five-second pauses in a conversation to extended periods of quiet — can result in tremendous benefits. Here are some ways to use silence for your and others' benefit using which you could practice the powerful art of silence.
* It is very important to sense what the other person needs, feels, and what their real intentions are. Use silence at crucial junctures during a conversation to really understand and empathise with the other person. You will end up having a very productive conversation.
* Cultivating the art of graceful silence is one of the characteristics of successful people. Next time you hear a distorted comment, angry retort, or biased question thrown at you, remain silent for a short time. Others will respect you for your restraint and thoughtfulness.
* Emphasise the seriousness of a point or an important initiative, by maintaining silence. This allows the point to sink in, creating the impact you truly desire.
* When speaking with someone about something s/he has done wrong, instead of raving and ranting, let silence play a part in your comments. After you say what you must say, let your words hang in the air for ten seconds or so. Your listener will not easily forget them.
* When trying to convince someone, as in a sales call, resist the temptation to talk too much. Instead, pause at key junctures, without question or comment... and listen to the revealing thoughts of the prospect.
* The more dominating you are as a leader, the more people will be intimidated to speak up. Stimulate discussion during a meeting by asking a question, something that calls for a thoughtful response... and then wait. You will be amazed at some of the responses.
* Use silence to ease conflict. Parents can use silent "time-outs" to ease friction at home. Leaders in the workplace can use periods of silence to cool conflicts and set the stage for productive discussion of problems.
* Get in touch with yourself: When you're worried or wondering about something, silence is like a balm. It also helps you to ponder and analyse your motives vis-à-vis the other's position. Silence allows you the time to reflect on the implications, as well as your next step.
* Finally, silence gives you the powerful opportunity to observe and learn. Listen for ideas, wide range of commentary about the people and the world around you and what is `not' being said. The result: greater knowledge that you can readily put to work.
There is virtue to silence. Silence is indeed golden.
CHITRA DANGER
(The writer is the director of ProEt Centre for International Protocol and Etiquette, e- mail: proetique@yahoo.co.in; website: www.proetique.com)
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