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Sound of silence
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Silence can be an effective communication tool
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BLARING HORNS, ringing cell phones, loud music, talk, talk, talk — all go to make a cacophony that attacks us from all sides all through the day. Even the nights are punctuated with loud conversation and howling dogs. Though we love to get respite from this onslaught and crave silence, when actually faced with it, are we really comfortable?
Silence is hard to define. On the one hand, it is the quietness and the total lack of sound, or speech; on the other, it deafens and frightens us with its loudness! The impact of silence in communication is again contradictory within a cultural context. In Japan, silence is an integral part of an individual's communication skills. In contrast, for Americans,silence is an uncomfortable impasse in a conversation. It could be interpreted as ignorance, apathy, coldness or hesitation. Americans communicate to exchange, to achieve something.
Apart from cultural differences, silent moments are awkward for most of us, except when we are with someone we are close to, like a spouse or a parent. Otherwise, silences make people feel self-conscious. What makes us so uncomfortable with silence during a conversation that we are willing to blurt out the first thing that pops up in our head? There is an unspoken pressure to keep conversation flowing and we tend to read hidden meanings. Why aren't they talking? What are they thinking? What will come next? There is a feeling of complete loss of control. Any halts in a chat must mean that either one of the persons conversing is uninteresting or ignorant, or that the two of them are a poor match. If we keep talking, we know we like each other.
Silence violates this code. Silence is not often perceived as a powerful communication tool, in today's frantic world. Yet, the strategic use of silence can result in tremendous benefits.
Here are some ways to use silence for our benefit:
* It is important to sense what the other person needs, feels, and what their intentions are. Use silence at crucial junctures during a conversation to understand and empathise with the other person. You will end up having a productive conversation.
* Cultivating the art of graceful silence is one of the characteristics of successful people. The next time you hear a distorted comment, an angry retort, or a biased question, remain silent for a short time. Others will respect you for your restraint.
* Emphasise the seriousness of a point by maintaining silence.
* When speaking with someone about something s/he has done wrong, instead of raving and ranting, let silence play a part in your comment. After you say what you must say, let your words hang in the air for ten seconds or so. Your listener will not easily forget them.
* The more dominating you are as a leader, the more people will be intimidated to speak up. Stimulate discussion during a meeting by asking a question, something that calls for a thoughtful response, and then wait. You will be amazed at some of the responses.
* Use silence to ease conflict. Parents can use silent "time-outs" to ease friction at home. Leaders in the workplace can use periods of silence to cool conflicts and set the stage for productive discussion of problems.
* Get in touch with yourself: When you're worried or wondering about something, silence is like a balm. It also helps you ponder and analyse your motives vis-à-vis the other's position. Silence allows you the time to reflect on the implications, as well as your next step.
* Finally, silence gives you the powerful opportunity to observe and learn. Listen for ideas, wide range of commentary about the people and the world around you and what is `not' being said. The result: greater knowledge that you can readily put to work.
There is virtue to silence. Silence is indeed golden.
CHITRA DANGER
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