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And they call it puppy love
Many of our friends have burnt their fingers on school romance. Ours has been an exception. — Kalyan & Anila
Conventional wisdom has it that school romances never last; they just remain forever in people's minds as sweet memories. As the song High School Romance goes:
When school is over and we grow up,
Our paths may drift apart
But in my dreams always
I'll hold you near, sweetheart.
But as we found out, some school romances are forever. The couples featured are exceptions to the rule. But their experiences throw light on the nature of school romance, the challenges in taking it further and what it requires for puppy love to mature.
Zhayynn James and Vaishali went through the uncertainty `High School Romance' talks about. In 1991, as class XI students they articulated the special feeling they had for each other. However, after school, as the song says, their paths `drifted apart'. "We went to different colleges and then I found myself in Sydney, missing Vaishali," says Zhayynn. "But we cultivated our friendship until we knew we were ready to commit our futures to each other."
In 2001, Vaishali turned Vaishali James. They say they are together only because they steered clear of the sands on which high school romance almost always flounders. "We knew we were too young for love, let alone marriage, and so did not wear our heart on our sleeve. We told our parents about our love, only after we had made something of ourselves. We told them in 2000, and got married the next year." Today, Zhayynn is a landscape architect and Vaishali, a marketing manager in a private firm.
Friends from nursery class
Life introduced Kalyan Subramanyam to Anila when he was in his nursery class. In less than no time the kids hit if off and time only deepened their friendship. Since they were from the same background and went to the same Bible School on Sundays, their relatives could also see the special bonding between the two. When Kalyan was in his eleventh and Anila in her ninth class, these same relatives started to view this bonding in a new light. They assumed that the two were enamoured of each other. "This assumption turned our friendship into love," laughs Kalyan. "It was Christmas eve and after the `Carols By Candlenight' concert at the Emmanuel Methodist Church, we took the 7C bus and reached Anna Nagar. The short distance we walked together before reaching our respective houses, gave me enough time to tell Anila about what our relatives had made of our friendship." Then, Kalyan said something equivalent to popping the question. "Why not prove them right?" he asked Anila. She was also on the same page. But the two displayed great maturity. Although they knew in their bones that they were meant for each other, they were willing to wait for time to second that conclusion. They were man and wife eight years later.
We cultivated our friendship till we knew we were ready to commit our futures to each other - Zhayynn & Vaishali
"Nine out of ten times, school romance does not work. It is easy to delude yourself that you are truly in love, when all you have is a foolish admiration for someone. Many of our friends have burnt their fingers on school romance. Ours has been an exception," says Anila. "Love is a slippery ground. More so, when you are a teen in love."
Although "smitten with each other even after 15 years of marriage", the Subramanyams sound a word of caution against school romance.
A word of caution
When love strikes, it is easy to think that you are a grand old man or a woman, but that does not wipe out the fact that you are just 15, unprepared for love and unaware of the responsibilities it entails, says Kalyan.
Most high school romances are born of a pressure from peers to pair off. Gowri and Krishna knew this and decided "to play the waiting game". Gowri knew a happy life depends a lot on creating a happy home, so she did not reciprocate her classmate Krishna's interest in her, even though she did not repel it. She was convinced that love was best reserved for the days when you had no need for text books and when you knew for a certainty what you wanted of life and who you wanted to share it with.
Only after we completed college did we truly open our hearts to each other. — Krishna & Gowri
"I would try to involve her in activities such as school plays, so that I could talk to her in a more relaxed environment," laughs Krishna. "While she was the class topper, I was an average student who was good in the arts. I would go the extra mile and excel in inter-school competitions so that she liked me."
"I knew what he was up to, but pretended not to. Actually, I liked him as well, but would not let him know. At the most, I would send `soft signals', but they were totally lost on him," smiles Gowri. Only after they had completed college did they truly open their hearts to each other and only after Krishna found his feet in the film industry with a series of films ("Five Star", "Thiruda Thirudi", "Thirumalai", "Autograph" and "Ayidha Ezhuthu") and Gowri landed a good job did they contemplate marriage.
"I had to be very sure that he was the one. I wanted to see If I would outgrow him. When you can outgrow school friendships, you can easily outgrow puppy love," says Gowri. "As a teen your emotions can easily mislead you." Did they face opposition from parents? "I think most parents are willing to listen if you can convince them that you have made the right choice," says Gowri. "If you tell them that you don't know why you love someone but you want to marry him, it is only natural that they resist. But if you have convincing arguments, they will definitely get through to them."
WHAT THEY SAY
When two people meet as adults and marry, they only hear about each other's past. But, childhood sweethearts are part of each other's past.
Those who meet as adults and marry take more time to understand each other than childhood sweethearts who tie the knot.
It is a big gamble, for you are committing to someone even before he or she has turned a complete person.
Often high school romances end in disillusionment, for most of these kids do not realise love means caring.
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