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Accepting conflict
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Conflict rules lives, but surviving them is what it is all about
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Relationships involve a lot of give and take, for, nobody is perfect.
DISAGREEMENT, DISPUTE, dissatisfaction, or a feeling of discomfort that something is not right — anything can lead to conflict. When two or more people are together with their varied choices there will be a conflict. The more inflexible a person, the more conflict in his life.
So is conflict good or bad? Actually conflict is good, provided it is managed, guided and controlled through its path to a logical conclusion that works for both parties. Conflict resolves a lot of unsatisfactory issues, corrects situations, bring about changes that are welcome and long overdue.
Since we accept conflict as a part and parcel of our life, here are a few tips to help you handle it where the end result is a win-win situation for everyone involved.
Increasing your tolerance level: Everyone operates from a different `platform'. Education, family background, value systems, attitudes, basic personality traits, culture, manners all play a crucial role the way a person behaves. This understanding allows you to recognise that we tend to project our expectation onto other people. This ends up adding fuel to the fire. Accept the fact that it is impossible to control other people. Stop the expectation of wanting the other person to be perfect. We have as many faults and failings as the person you are scowling at right now. So tell yourself I am going to be tolerant.
Being issue centred and not person centred: That means seeking to understand and look only at what is happening now. Are you telling yourself right now: "Of course, I always do that "? Then answer these questions very honestly:
- Do you get emotionally involved in the conflict at hand?
- Are you consciously aware of your personal dislikes, biases towards the person you are having the conflict with?
- Has it entered the picture to cloud your thinking?
- Do you rake up past issues, both resolved and unresolved?
If your answer was "yes" to even one of the above questions, you are having problems to stay issue centred! Stay focussed on the content and not on the delivery and the deliverer. Don't waver; you will have much less to deal with.
Keeping a positive mental attitude: We tend to take conflict as a challenge because it threatens our value systems, beliefs, opinions, actions and authority. We do go to great lengths to establish that we are "right". The tendency is to become verbally negative, or become overly critical or take a victim attitude in order to protect your self-esteem. Give yourself these messages:
- My worth doesn't depend on being right.
- I am valuable, competent and capable.
- This too will pass and the sun will still rise tomorrow morning.
- Tomorrow is another day.
Try these suggestions and see what happens next time.
CHITRA S. DANGER
proetique@yahoo.co.in
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