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To last past midnight
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Buntings, hooters, last-minute hair dresser's appointment, pedicure, manicure, wax, facial (all for the New Age metrosexual male too), party clothes, party shoes, party bags (this just for the girls)... MetroPlus's survival guide to make it through New Year's
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It's social death if you tell everyone you spent a quiet evening indoors. — Photo: H. Satish
LAST-MINUTE checklist:
Your hair has been straightened and recently coloured.
Your dog has not chewed up the Goa hotel reservations.
Your red lingerie has not run colour onto your white halter.
You do still fit into your bikini.
But seriously. If you didn't plan a getaway as early as October, chances are you will be cooling your heels in nippy Bangalore, far from Goa's sunny beaches. Besides with everyone, but everyone from our art critic to the next person to be featured on Sound Off! headed to Goa's (previously) virgin beaches, chances are they will be more crowded than Brigade Road.
And if you were planning to charm your way to a spare hotel room, think again because hotpots like Gokarna reserve their special offers and beachside hideouts for the Israeli tourists — "serious" party animals who arrange hardcore raves, and not the hedonistic New Year party animals from India, happy with flea market maal and flavoured martini.
So looks like you will be in good old Bangalore after all. You have not coloured your hair; do not have a dog that has chewed up anything (leave alone non-existent hotel reservations); do not possess:
a) red lingerie, b) white halter and c) bikini of any colour. Rest assured you have company.
Only five per cent of Bangalore will be in Goa this New Year. Ten per cent will be at a friend's house wondering why they didn't stay home and when dinner will be served, 15 per cent will meet friends and then hit the town (i.e., pay exorbitant entrance charges to spend the exact New Year moment wrestling across a crowded, smoky room trying to locate a friend who is miraculously and inevitably across the room), and a whopping 70 per cent will be home watching fireworks explode across Australia.*
If you are part of this last 70 per cent who have chosen, somewhat wisely, to stay home and mull over your past year, narrow down your list of New Year resolutions to the three most believable ones and pick from the hundreds of scintillating options vying for your attention on TV. And here's our final list of five best ways to survive New Year's (no guarantees).
Buy a shade for your TV screen. News channels will play out their year-long gaffes and then go live to New Year celebrations across the world, music channels will play year-end countdowns, entertainment channels will stick out their comedians... there will be a range of extended prime time viewing, so protect yourself against hours of eye fatigue.
Rent a worthwhile DVD; Ocean's Twelve for sheer eye candy and Bridget Jones Edge of Reason for pure laughs (though it might depress you if you draw too many parallels).
Put batteries in your TV remote. With all the choices on TV and the possibility of your DVD having to be constantly paused while you take calls on your incessantly ringing phone; this might be a worthwhile investment.
Have spare paper on hand to list out not just New Year resolutions but also points on what to tell colleagues about how you spent your New Year. There's no use telling everyone how all you did was have "a quiet New Year's indoors"; even if that's what everyone else did, it's sure social death to admit it, and you do want to maintain your image and secure that raise, don't you?
Buy earplugs to shield yourself against more exciting neighbours. Loud music will blare, crackers will explode, young blood will careen down streets hollering meaningless aphorisms; be prepared; don't say you weren't warned.
Now that you're all set, we assure you, you'll survive. You will not be spending midnight desperately redialling numbers wondering why networks are down (because they always are; it's a New Year tradition); why you're trying to wrestle your way through a crowded car park, yelling "Happy New Year!!" to other manic drivers you've never seen before or why you're cruising down a semi-deserted highway en route to one party from another. Instead you will be in the haven of your own bedroom, watching a film, eating nachos or drinking wine (hopefully better taste has prevailed and you're not doing both together).
Alternatively you can fall asleep at 10 p.m. and wake up fresh and bright on January 1, having avoided all the hype, mayhem and tamasha altogether.
* These random projections have no verifiable empirical basis
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