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Teach them young
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Read on to find answers to two of the most frequently discussed topics
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LET'S LOOK at these two pivotal questions that keep popping up to bother panicky adults:
How early can one start teaching a child basic manners?
Children learn manners, along with loads of other things, from their parents. There is no specific age as such to being learning. It is an ongoing process because kids grow up watching their parents interact with others and take cues from them how to act and behave. As author Colin Greer says, "Good manners are more than simply knowing what to say, and when — they're built on empathy; on respecting other people's rights and personal space; and on treating them as equals who deserve the same common courtesy that we do." So, the real question should be, "How civil am I with others since I am the role model for my child!"
As soon as children begin to talk, you can start with simple things like prompting them to say "please" and "thank you" at appropriate times. This also means you get into the habit of saying it yourself. Parenting where the tenet is "Do as I say and not as I do" will never achieve anything. Children look up to you and believe that you have all the answers and know exactly what to do in every situation. You need to take advantage of this by showing them proper behaviour, and they'll grow up to be polite young men and women.
* Give them frequent lessons in what to say in particular situations. You need to tell your children that they should say "excuse me" when they want to get through a crowd of people and that everyone needs to take their turn which means, stand in line!
* You can also teach them the importance of keeping public places clean and that any personal debris strewn about is completely unacceptable.
* They need to say `please' when they are requesting someone's services or help.
* And they need to say `thank you' whenever someone does something nice for them. Let them also know, in no uncertain terms, that these considerations are to be meted out to everyone including your household help.
What is the responsibility of the host or the hostess?
According to Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary, a host or hostess is "a person who entertains guests in his/her own home or at his/her own expense; a person who initiates or presides over any social gathering." To preside implies a degree of control, of responsibility. The host or the hostess must retain control over all aspects of an event. And be the captain of the ship, the master of the function!
* First of all, never issue an invitation you don't want to extend. The only absolute goal for an invitation should be the mutual enjoyment of guests and host/hostess.
* Plan, plan, and plan. Pre-planning and preparing for good company, good food and drink, and a comfortable atmosphere need efficiency and organisation.
No detail is too trivial or insipid for your attention. Start making a list of everything and go down the list in a methodical manner.
* Delegate, but be specific about your expectations; make sure there are no unpleasant surprises at the end. Let it not be a mutual, "I thought you would take care of it!"
* Hosts and hostesses must be available all the time. Guests must be greeted individually and introduced to the others and brought into the group to make them feel welcome, especially at larger functions. Without that human connection, even a perfect location, the tastiest food, the most elaborate flowers, and sublime music will not overcome the impression that an event is stiff and cold.
CHITRA S. DANGER
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