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Beyond watching and wondering
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It doesn't feel good to be tongue-tied at discussions. But, with practice you can be more than a silent spectator
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Photo: K. R. Deepak
An interactive session
THERE ARE three kinds of people in this world. One kind makes things happen, the other watches it happen, and the third, wonders what happened! These three categories are evident during group discussions or while debating a topic, both in the social and business scenario.
It is common to have at least a few participants in every meeting who are silent and appear too shy to express their views.
There are sure to beinstances where you have been shy when interacting in a group; you must have felt uncomfortable with your own silence while you racked your brains to say something.
If you feel that your mind is blank and you have nothing to say - that is worrisome. People without an opinion fall in the category that watches and wonders.
The watching group, at least, might understand and follow the proceedings. The wondering group remains clueless as to what is going on, thus cutting themselves off completely from the proceedings. Neither position is desirable or comfortable.
This scenario is played out constantly everyday from classrooms to boardrooms, from cocktail circuits to dinner parties, where people are too timid to express their views. The reason could be any of the following.
Try to pinpoint what is holding you back so that you can actively start working on the problem.
A key reason could be that you don't have an opinion on the subject.
You are so overwhelmed by the rank and seniority of the people around you that you do not think it is appropriate to voice an opinion or feel that speaking up would be deemed a sign of disrespect or impertinence.
Even if you do have an opinion, there are situations that could leave you secretly worrying about what the others might say or think.
You might end up being afraid that others would consider your viewpoint irrelevant, superfluous, not clearly thought through, or too controversial.
At other times, you might have a heartfelt opinion but don't feel confident you can say exactly what you mean.
This could also mean that you cannot state your opinion in the same eloquent manner that you are capable of in your native language.
Expressing an opinion
This happens when you are impressed with, at the same time intimidated by more active participants who are confident about their opinions and express them so eloquently, leaving you tongue-tied and miserable.
If you have no opinion, ask yourself, is it because I don't know much about the topic, never been interested or never have thought about it? Whatever the reason - the good news is that it can be rectified. Listen, ask questions, and reflect upon what is being said.
You should also take the initiative to read.
Being aware of the world around you perks up your curiosity and develops critical thinking patterns.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by the seniority of people around you by rank or age, remember that everyone has a right to their opinion - yours is as valid as theirs.
Your mental block, perhaps, is denying others a fresh approach to the topic.
When people are sitting around a table, especially for a meeting, it is everyone's responsibility to contribute, discuss and infuse fresh ideas and new angles.
Remember that you were asked to join because they wanted your input and not just to fill a seat.
Practical solution
The practical solution would be to think back and find out the root cause.
Were you told as a child to be seen and not heard? That was applicable, maybe, at that stage of your life. You are an adult now and you have to break that mental block.
If you are worried to say anything because you are anxious to make the right impression all the time, you must realise that unless some risks are taken and you make the effort to speak up, you will soon be marginalised.
Of course the caveat here is that you think before you speak and at the appropriate juncture.
Ultimately, think of the issue being discussed, prepare yourself (Internet, books, newspapers, etc.) and be focussed.
This way you move away from being a watching and wondering participant to one who contributes and makes a difference. Isn't that worth the effort?
CHITRA S. DANGER
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Metro Plus
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Chennai
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