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Understanding misunderstanding
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Misunderstanding is a blessing where understanding is a curse, writes V. IRAI ANBU
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WHEN WE miss understanding, it is misunderstanding. If we understand misunderstanding, we will not misunderstand understanding.
All the problems in the world arise due to misunderstanding from docile domestic quarrels to gruesome global wars. Ego is the root cause for misunderstanding. All of us are of the opinion that we are insignias for clarity and this overconfidence results in brouhaha. We can never understand even a single individual in our life. If we could fully understand an individual, he is no longer a man, but a machine. Machines are predictable whereas men are not. We want only bullocks and not bulls. We prefer submissiveness to rebelliousness, timidity to courage, and obsequiousness to uprightness. It is difficult to understand a man, as he is the function of so many variables and sum of innumerable fragments. Unpredictability makes man interesting and relationship thrilling. Predictable persons are inane and insipid brimming to the brink of imbecility.
We are not even aware of our own true nature. The Johari Window has an opaque quadrant - the hidden self and a translucent quadrant - known to others and not to the self. That is why, when two individuals converse, actually there are six persons trying to communicate. We act from the subconscious and respond from the unconscious to our dismay. Later, we repent and regret for the irretrievable commissions and omissions. We are all split personalities at some point of time, one hand lowering the trousers while the other trying to pull it up.
Maintaining the mystery
Understanding at times bereaves the charm. Distant things are fabulous by maintaining the mystery. Armstrong could have hardly admired the radiance and tranquillity of the moon after his trip.
A few achievements peel off the amusement and life becomes barren sans amazement. Appreciating a plant by watering has the portrayal of poesy and understanding it by dissecting has an element of elimination.
For science, the flower is androecium and gynoecium, corolla and calyx and for the poetry it is petals and fragrance, beauty and blossoming.
All the misunderstanding occurs due to words. As T.S. Eliot observes words are inadequate. Words fall and crawl, fumble and crumble, limp and jump, drop and droop. Mind tends to connect natural occurrences with accidental instances as we all have inclination to be swayed by pathetic fallacies. We fail to realise that even the degrees of freedom have a committed element of compulsion. We use words when we are not at peace.
Kahlil Gibran says, "we talk when we cease to be at peace with our thoughts and when we can no longer dwell in the solitude of our heart". Sound disturbs, distorts and distracts. Our language itself is arbitrary. Words become meaningful by the meaning imputed. We communicate the message through the meaningless words and hence all the confusion. Clash of ideas is to be encouraged and clash of personalities is to be discouraged to have open-minded conversation. As Shakespeare says, one should give every man his ear but few his voice: take each man's censure but reserve his judgement'.
Argument often paves way for conflicts, acrimony, altercation, abuse and animosity. In the words of W.B. Yeats, the worst are always full of conviction. Hostility converts the conversation into confusion conveyed and not clarity carried over. When one decides to differ, dictatorial dialogue kindles the squalor and silence settles the dust. Many dialogues are dramatic monologues for we love our own voice. Our coins have only one side.
Allusion and illusion
Silence may not be always the signal for acceptance. Allusion is different from illusion. We have stoic silence symbolizing endurance, silence of dissidence signifying indifference and silence of diffidence synchronizing pusillanimity. The ascetic silence descends between two like-minded individuals and when they are in perfect communion. It is rare and beautiful.
Many agreements are skin deep and by scratching the surface many layers of misunderstanding could bee ferreted. The permanent peace prevailing in a few pairs is due to the perfect combination of a masochist and a sadist. The cordiality is maintained by fear, dominance and power. When both are of the same strength, cold war commences and warmth vanishes. It requires tremendous guts to take a step towards understanding the truth. It is said that one should have the willingness to face the reality, with the breadth of vision not with the heels dug in and the old blinders on.
It is a paradox that today many relationships are sustained by misunderstanding. Misunderstanding is a blessing where understanding is a curse. At times understanding divides and misunderstanding unites. Every understanding has a bit of misunderstanding embedded in it. People who live ahead of their age were always misunderstood as eccentric mavericks. The person misunderstood by many may be a genius. Nothing succeeds like mediocrity.
The real understanding occurs when we realize that we cannot understand even a grain of sand. We should fathom the unfathomable self. The journey towards awareness turns us into a mirror and others get reflected in our consciousness. To become more understandable is the only way to reduce the misunderstanding in relationship.
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Metro Plus
Bangalore
Chennai
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