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HEART SPEAK

On Valentine's Day, SUDHISH KAMATH traces the life cycle of every love story

LOVE, WHEN the wrong seems so right and the right seems so wrong too.

Love it or hate it, that feeling of love makes you do things you wouldn't even dream of doing. So this Valentine's Day, here's a story about love.

Chapter One: Falling in Love

Let's say A is the boy, and B, the girl.

For something to happen between A and B, the two need to have ticked these checkboxes. Time and Space? Once they've spent adequate time and space together, there are these things that need to be ticked.

1. Heart []

2. Mind []

3. Body []

4. Soul []

Can A and B both tick all four? If A can and B cannot or if B can and A cannot, then, it isn't really a balanced relationship and there are chances for the relationship to fail.

Chapter Two: Making it work

Next comes the question of maintaining and sustaining the healthy relationship. Welcome to a few more checkboxes. And make sure both A and B both fill it independently and assign values on a scale of 1 to 25 for each of the following.

1. Effort []

2. Resolve []

3. Faith []

4. Truth []

Does it match up... is A's effort equal to B's? Is A's resolve equal to B's? Do A and B have equal faith and trust in each other? Do A and B both tell each other every single thing that's needed to sustain a healthy relationship? Now be honest when you add up A and B's contribution. If it's equal, you guys are a match made in heaven and everyone else can go to hell... if it isn't, there's some amount of talking to be done so that A's contribution and B's contribution is more or less equal. If you can't tick all of these, watch out. Talk it out and let go.

The theory could get more complicated depending on how complex a person you are. Here's how. What if you are very particular about height, weight, vital statistics, skin colour, age, sense of humour, caste, religion, language, education, intelligence, sex, interests, movies, music, diet, social status, compatibility with friends, sensitivity, sensibility, etc? Oh, there are more like horoscope, astrology, chemistry, history, biology, etc. So the more complex your taste is, the more the checkboxes you need to tick. So think again! Who said love was simple?

Kidding... It actually is. The theory is just for those who want to clinically get-over a relationship. Because, the easiest way to kill love is to dissect it!

Chapter Three: Evaluating the relationship

Learning to let go and knowing when to let go is such an important part of love. Else, you will only undo all those moments of joy you gave each other. Love will soon turn to hate, bitterness will creep in, sorrow will choke your system and nothing can stop tears from popping out of your eyes!

Before letting go, see if you've done everything you could do to make it work. Don't give up before you try all million things you can do for love. Else, you can always sit back and wonder: What If?

Chapter Four: The need to know when to stop

Getting over is a difficult process. But moving on is a different thing altogether. Without making an effort to move on, you're never ever going to get over. Every failed relationship is like this milestone that tells you that your destination is a little away. You just can't sit there and cry like it's a tombstone. Nobody died. But yes, those of you who are sentimental, you can sit and cry for a bit but don't make that your full-time job. It's not going to take you anywhere. Or is it?

When we say move on, we are talking about this effort to leave the milestone and keep walking. Walk. Take a lift. Do what it takes but don't run away and exhaust yourself. You don't know who you would meet at the next crossroad. Even that person may not be the destination, and he/she might end up being just another milestone but that's a calculative risk we all need to take cheerfully, instead of doing it with cynicism and carrying emotional luggage from the past into this journey. Every person you meet is just a companion. Either for a while, or for a longer while. It is destination death and life's one long journey, best travelled on the High-way! That is not to say forget the milestone. Milestones are important, they make the journey memorable and the souvenirs of that town you left to make the journey worth it. You can always come back to visit that milestone and laugh over it with your companion.

Chapter Five: Memory management

Sometimes, all we are left with are memories. Having memories do not mean that we are not over with the relationship. As a friend said, they are like the scars of a wound on a warrior. The warrior needs to let them be for a while. They heal with time. And are remembered again only when triggered off by sight, sound, smell or touch from the past. When someone asks you about the wound, the whole motion picture of life that was, replays in front of your eyes.

Sometimes, it brings a tear with it, sometimes a smile and you live that movie you were once part of, for just a moment, before the flashback dissolves into reality and you see the beauty and wonder of life in front of your eyes once again. You see and embrace what you have with you now and celebrate the moment with your companion.

Sharing is what makes life beautiful.

Love bytes

Crush/ Infatuation:

When only your heart wants you to go for it.