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Coming out of a shell
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Nearly 50 per cent of the adult population is believed to be shy. Here are some strategies to fight shyness.
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FEELING SHY and remaining tongue-tied are common among both men and women of all age groups. Teenagers are anxious about how to muster enough courage to talk to the opposite sex; businessmen/women are acutely aware of how their shyness is making them invisible at meetings; young women are so shy that they cannot look in the eyes of anyone while talking... the list goes on.
They often feel awkward and miserable and marvel at the ease with which people around them are so comfortable in any social setting.
What is shyness?
Shyness is the feeling of discomfort in social situations and it interferes with our ability to relax and enjoy ourselves. It prevents us from performing to the level we are capable of and many times prompts the avoidance of social situations altogether. The more unfamiliar a situation, the higher the degree of shyness. Shyness can range from experiencing mild to moderate discomfort (e.g., meeting new people, public speaking, attending social functions, etc.), to crippling levels of anxiety that could be described as social anxiety, social phobia or panic disorder.
Research on shyness has established some interesting information. Did you know that nearly 50 per cent of the adult population is believed to be shy, with almost 40 per cent of adults reporting they used to be shy at some point earlier in their lives? About 13.3 per cent of the population is estimated to have struggled with social phobia at one time or the other.
Even more interesting is how many celebrities are on this shy list. Check this out and you will be surprised! Albert Einstein, Harrison Ford, Courtney Cox (Monica from Friends), Cher (!), David Bowie (even rock stars can be shy), Brad Pitt, Lucille Ball (from I love Lucy fame; cannot believe this one, can you?), just to mention a few names. You can overcome shyness but it requires commitment, self-motivation and patience. The last one is very important because it will take time. When you have lived an entire lifetime being shy, it's unrealistic to think you can get rid of it overnight.
Some strategies
Here are a few social skills and strategies for handling your social anxieties:
Make a conscious attempt to look at someone and say "Hello" with a warm smile. Remember the percentage? Most probably the other person is also shy and will be relieved that you took the initiative. Don't get all worked up now thinking, "What if they don't say `hello' to me?" A majority of the people respond to friendly faces. We all have to take some responsibility to give something to a relationship. Start small. Make more eye contact. Smile more often.
The next thing to work on is — stand in front of the mirror and practise self-introduction. You think it is silly? Even the most glib person goes into "aahhs" and "ums" during self-introduction. Okay, you have things a little bit under control — so far, so good. The next thing to do is to think of conversation topics — do not leave home without this in your head. For this you need to be well-read, be aware of what is happening in the world around you. Think about it, have opinions and thoughts on them. You do want to come across as original, and not quote somebody else — which is not bad for starters. Even if you have problems opening a conversation, you can join in intelligently, or at the least, understand what people are talking about; otherwise, you are going to feel even more alienated.
On the other person
Be interested in the other person. Shy people are preoccupied with themselves, and the thought of what others are thinking about them.
This makes you commit the first `no-no' of social interaction, namely, not focussing on the other person. Cultivate the habit of being interested in the person in front of you. A word of caution, being interested does not mean being inquisitive. Finally, reward yourself for each and every effort from your side, not the reaction or the outcome! You have no control over others, only over yourself. Shyness is not who we are, but something we feel while we do the things we do. Shyness does not have to keep us from achieving our goals unless we let it! With self-awareness, the right support and enough commitment to change, chances are, you can overcome shyness successfully.
CHITRA S. DANGER
Tel: 040-23731960
(proetique@yahoo.co.in)
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