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Saying it right
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Good communication skills go a long way towards making people take you seriously
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Power of language: There is enormous diversity in communication practices within each gender group
THE CONSENSUS among parents, who have had the experience of raising a daughter and a son, is that baby girls start talking much earlier, with a wider vocabulary than little boys. Again, as they grow up, girls are considered more communicative. Of course, there are exceptions too.
Research done on communication styles based on gender clearly shows different patterns in men and women. There is enormous diversity in communication style and practices within each gender group. Any communication, irrespective of gender, has three underlying factors driving it.
* Getting the job done or a task goal
* Paying attention to the relationship between you and the receiver of the communication or relationship goal
* Concerns over the impression this is creating about us, or image management goal.
The differences lie in which goal is predominant and in what degree it is expressed and this depends on the situation, their purposes, the roles they are playing, and the context.
Now check out these facts!
As talkative as women are, in a mixed-gender group, and public gatherings, it is the male who is comfortable talking. Even women who are masters of a topic tend to talk much less and shorter than men with the same or less expertise. Again, as talkative as women are, did you know that it is the man who initiates a conversation most of the time?
Men are more likely than women to interrupt other people and women do not resist the interruption when it is from a male. Women, when they do interrupt, are more likely to interrupt other women than they are to interrupt men.
Women are perceived to be less assertive in their speech because of the tendency to use what is termed "tag questioning" ("It is really hot today, isn't it"), disclaimers ("I could be mistaken, but... "), and question statements ("won't you read that paper?"). Women are also more deferential in their language, hedge and hesitate in their speech more than men because they are comparatively more focussed on the relationship goal in communication.
Language matters
Interesting tidbits, you think? Consider the implications of this communication pattern in both your personal and professional life and it might give you a clue as to why others treat and perceive you in that particular way which is messing up your image management goal.
People who use powerful language give the impression of being more competent, intelligent, and trustworthy than those who use powerless language. Those who talk more (meaning, making relevant points and not rambling) and with authority, are perceived to be dominant and having power. People will sit up and take you seriously. In decision-making groups, this translates to being looked upon as proactive, having leadership qualities. People who constantly allow others to interrupt their speech are considered to be less driving, but nice, companionable and accommodating. This is fine in certain contexts and situations, but not all.
Valuable tips
If your image management goal is to impress upon people to take you seriously, try the following tips.
* State exactly what you want to say and say it with conviction (not aggressive). Be prepared to face the risk of being challenged, and state it again with the same quiet conviction, especially at meetings. Be more focussed on stating your own position than about how the other person is reacting to you.
* Don't get intimidated even if the immediate response is not acceptance.
* Stop behaviours that diminish you, such as allowing interruptions, smiling nervously or laughing after making a serious statement. Even if there are interruptions, acknowledge it briefly, proceed with your point; maybe you have to repeat what you just said or tell the interrupter politely but firmly, to hold the questions until you have finished.
You must practise taking these risks. If you have never been this way, it requires repeated performances to build up your confidence. Remember that focussing on task goal is as important as the relationship goal, especially in a business scenario.
Now practise, practise and practise.
CHITRA S. DANGER
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