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Megha Rupa frets over the logic, rather the lack of it, that drives arranged marriages
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`Arranged marriages could be viewed as a situation where one has not found true love by 25 or so.'
I DON'T wish to rant against arranged marriages. But in all honesty, I just don't get it! I tend to believe that marriage is a result of something — maybe love — where two people know each other well, go through situations together, and are there for each other when help is needed the most. They finally decide to spend their life together, tell their guardians, and just get married. So, arranged marriages could be viewed as a situation where one has not found true love by 25 or so.
Ay, there's the rub: the ground reality of our "Indian culture", which considers a man marrying and older woman, or marrying out of one's community as irreparable damage to the reputation of the family. I was recently advised not to go out for lunch with a guy because I had not known him too well. One year, by their logic, isn't enough time to know someone well. And hey, it's no problem to actually marry a guy I have known for barely a month! Am I missing something here?
The criterion that goes into arranging a mate takes the cake. Money forms the base on which fairness or good looks (they're almost synonymous), education, and "culture" of the family (which includes even the most distant of relatives) and "clean habits" form the superstructure.
And if things don't work out, probably because the stars of the two people didn't match, then all the research about the family goes down the drain. But if everything goes as per plan and it's assumed that all things are matched, it's seldom realised that what's seen is only what's shown.
Anyway, the more important question is: where is the soul mate in all this? Is he in one of those newspaper ads? Or is he somewhere in the other end of the world, unreachable because this "arranged marriage" won't allow you to look that far?
But then, I should admit that I am myself a product of an arranged marriage, and yes, my parents are happily wed. Also, I must admit that I'm a product of our "Indian culture", which is a package deal, I suppose. So, for all I know, I might just find myself one day frantically going through those matrimonial ads trying to "arrange" my marriage. But one thing's for sure: these teenage dreams of a man on a golden steed taking me to the stars will always remain alive.
Sound Off! is your space. Anything bugging you?
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bangaloremetro@thehindu.co.in.
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