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Generation gap - How to cope with it

Today's youth They are optimistic, they set high goals, they have full knowledge of opportunities and they want to be independent

Photos: K.R. Deepak

What's wrong Care for a hug

Often one comes across newspaper reports like 'Mother chides teenage girl for watching television - girl commits suicide' or 'Future engineer ends life - unable to cope with pressure at home'. The first thing that comes to one's mind after reading such reports is: what is wrong with the present day youth. Are they too sensitive and brash or are parents unable to understand their requirements.

According to the Andhra Universtiy psychology professor, V.S. Bose, the basic problem is generation gap. The parents can neither relate themselves to the present age nor communicate effectively to the understanding of children. Children on the other hand view this scenario as a threat to their independence.

"Today's youth are optimistic; they set very high goals, have a lot of knowledge on opportunities, have high expectations, are brash and do not like to be advised. Above all they want to be independent. As for suicides, they are done generally out of impulse or clinical depression. Recently it was reported that since the mother scolded a 17-year-old girl to stop watching television and study as her examination was nearing, the girl hanged herself. It is a case of impulse. For that split second, a thought sweeps one's mind: 'I am alone in this world and being harassed and harangued by everybody'. At that moment committing suicide stands out to be the only salvation. If by any chance one can avoid that impulsive moment by calling a friend or doing something else to subdue that thought of loneliness, the extreme step could be averted," says Dr. Bose.

According to psychologists world over, children in the age between two and three years and in their teens are most rebellious. They try to test limits and experiment with the idea of understanding the world around them. They even tend to break a rule or two.

"You just can't lock us up with the pretext of protecting us. We have our own ideas, we know what we are doing and we want to do them our way. Moreover, how can a man or a woman scold us for going for a late night party, when they themselves have done so in their younger days and still continue to do so, in the name of official gettogethers. We want our share of fun," says Pravin a student of a management college.

"This is the period when parents have to deal with them a little cautiously. Parents play a major role perhaps more than their peers and teachers in shaping their values and beliefs. They not only have to be the role models for their children but also communicate with clarity," says another AU professor, Pramila Bose.

Knowledge is another factor that is widening the gap between a teenager son or daughter and an average parent. Apart from a few high profile parents the rest are sparsely exposed to the latest technology and trends. At the same time an average college student is exposed to a whole lot of factors right from Internet to cell phones and from fashion to politics.

"Every parent should keep abreast of the trends. Internet is a boon as well as a bane. Walk into any cyber cafe and one would find young girls and boys cuddled in cubicles watching porn stuff. Parents need not spy on their children to keep them on the right track but should rather talk to them directly and openly on subjects like sex or dating. The simple dos and don'ts or the harsh 'no' will not work today. Try to be a friendly parent by playing both roles judiciously," says Dr. Bose.

"My daughter should become a doctor and my son will become an engineer." This forced dictum is another factor that is causing havoc in the parent-child relationship. "I want to become a painter but my parents insist that I take up the profession of a medico. I hate science and I tried to tell them in many ways, but they always compare with others and let me down," says Radhika, a student from a private junior college.

Says Dr. Pramila, "Today's teenagers have clarity in thinking but are less amenable to parental suggestions. Do not impose things; try to assess their tastes and liking and advise accordingly."

The mantra shoule be: communicate with clarity in the language best understood by them, the relationship would work out.

SUMIT BHATTACHARJEE

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