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Simply single?
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TRENDS It isn't easy. But nothing beats the joy of putting up the feet after a long day without someone hollering for coffee
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A question of choice Life's about practical decisions...
Maya works as a senior marketing manager in a multinational company. One thing she desperately needs is plenty of elbowroom to organise her schedules, without others' elbows and knees getting in the way. And that's quite impossible in a family situation. So, Maya made one hard but practical decision: she moved out and started living on her own. She feels that she is now more organised and in better control of her time.
There was a time when it was believed that women don't live alone. But that's changing, with many young women making Maya's choice and daring to define their personhood on their own terms. But why does a woman make such a choice at all? Circumstances and the pure pleasure of doing what she wants and going wherever she wants, says Amritha, a 28-year-old advocate. Gayathri, a 31-year-old lawyer, voices a similar sentiment.
Stressful moments
Not that independence comes easy. The beginning of the month can be a stressful time for working women: bills have to be paid and the salary cheque, in all likelihood, wouldn't be in yet. To make things worse, the vehicle might decide to act cranky or the mixie might play truant. And there are plenty of people who believe that women aren't good with such details, and so, get all set to take them for a ride. Says Maya: "People tend to rip you off because they think you are too busy to pay attention to details." As Vinita, a marketing manager and theatre person who has lived alone for 15 years says, it's not easy when all the responsibility of running the house is on you and "you have only one pair of hands, one mind... and nobody to bounce ideas off".
A writer, theatre person and activist who has lived alone for four years points out that the challenges of living alone are more for a middle-class person, as opposed to someone from a wealthier background. From having to cook your own food, to buying your ration, to standing in a line to pay your electricity bill... you have to do it all by yourself. On the emotional front, it demands a certain temperament to live alone, for there could be times of loneliness or depression. As Maya sees it, it's necessary to strike a balance between "carving your own space and gaining from social interaction". She has lots of friends, but doesn't feel the need to be surrounded by people all the time.
Gayathri adds that single working women tend to fall out of "the social structures of married couples". Married couples' conversations and priorities are different — not part of the single woman's experience. A sentiment echoed by Vinita: "A single woman's social circle might still be nice but smaller."
There would be other social pressures too. There are sure to be several raised eyebrows and warnings of dire consequences. And there would be enough aunts and uncles to judge parents and hiss: "Hey, what if she does something wrong?"
The activist also points out that it also becomes important to protect her image from men who tend to assume that single women are "available". It might even require one to present oneself as a "harsh woman". She adds that a person who lives alone might grow too individualistic to the point of being selfish. She personally believes in having a "collective life" and sharing. She adds, however, that sharing need not be restricted to family but can include friends and neighbours.
But Amrita would say that living alone is worth all the troubles that come with it. All the practical experiences of living alone have the potential to make a woman, always used to sheltered life, more street smart and better equipped to take decisions.
(All names have been changed.)
ANUJA MIRCHANDANEY
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