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Tapping your child's potential
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Do you feel inadequate to help your child with his studies or choose a career? Read on
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BONDING TIME It's important to expose your child to all forms of learning besides academics Photo: Shaju John
Sumana's home is hushed. The atmosphere is loaded with tension. Everybody is tiptoeing around. A young child's voice raised in fun is immediately shushed with urgency. An illness in the family? A crisis? No, just an older child in the family preparing for the board examination. Seems familiar? Almost every family faces this situation. The last two years of schooling become a collective nightmare for the family. As a mother, you feel inadequate because you are unable to help your child with almost any of the subjects; the matter covered seems to be beyond anything you ever encountered during your school days. The stress of guiding your child in her future endeavours seems a heavy burden you are unable to shed, awake or asleep.
Your dilemma
It seems that every time you meet a friend or relative the same question jumps out at you. "So, what is your child applying for?" You are left confused and apprehensive. Does everybody else's child know exactly what he or she wants to do? Is your child the only one floundering in a sea of choices? Have you been remiss in your parenting? Have you not been a strong guiding light? Should you have recognised your child's concealed talents and unmasked them? Relax. As a parent, you have probably done all that is within your means to help your child realise her potential.
Culturally, our children are under pressure to go to college, preferably professional, and then have a clear career path laid out in front of them. So much so that our children are placed under stress from a very early age. Burdened with unrealistic expectations from their parents, they falter in their choices, losing their own fervour and zest in their anxiety to fulfil their parents' hopes.
At a time when they are dealing with their own demons of adolescence, our children are also expected to make life-defining decisions. Completely unexposed to the softer side of learning, they come to believe that education is only memorising endless pages of textbooks. The creativity and curiosity latent in them is suppressed and they are not allowed to deviate from the restricted, controlled and constrained methods of learning which pass for education in our schools. Our children are left fervently agreeing with Pink Floyd's song, We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control.
In earlier days, at the end of schooling, most of us had choices restricted to law, engineering or medicine. It was a simpler, less competitive and less aggressive world and the number of children vying for the same seat had not reached the massive figures of today.
The truth is that the new world that we live in is full of innovative and groundbreaking career choices. It behoves us to expose our children to the interdisciplinary cross-pollination that is occurring globally, which is creating novel jobs and vocations. People are now taking components of different careers and synergising them to create a niche. The buzzwords of today's job market are "collaborate and create".
Your role as a mother
It is natural to worry about your child's future. It may help if you believe that everybody has a predestined path. Good luck is just a juxtaposition of preparedness meeting opportunity. It is part of good parenting to help your child be prepared to meet opportunity when it presents itself.
In today's world, it is important to realise that as parents, our role is to expose our children to alternative learning. Reading a poem or a good book, seeing a play, travelling and visiting museums are all forms of learning, which instil self-knowledge and expand the mind. In these activities, the child is exposed to ideas and inspirations that will spark and ignite a passion, which will show her the path to her destiny.
Today's child seems to lack zeal and enthusiasm. The drudgery and incessant pressure of schooling and the emphasis on marks has led to an early burnout. As a parent, you must exhort them to be passionate about whatever they do.
The most important thing you can do for your child is to give unconditional support. There are strategies you can follow to help guide your child.
Talk to your child in relaxed moments and try to find his or her passion
Encourage your child to explore new and innovative career niches — meeting people in novel careers and browsing the Internet will be a good start
Do not be judgmental — all career choices do not have to be conventional
Do not impose your hopes and aspirations on your child. Remember, your dreams do not necessarily have to be your child's dream too!
GITA ARJUN
(The author is a Chennai-based obstetrician and gynaecologist with a special interest in women's health issues)
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