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The case of the vanishing matchmaker
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Have love marriages, online matrimonial services and marriage bureaus rendered the traditional matchmaker superfluous, asks RESMI SHAJI JAIMON
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STUFF OF MOVIES Matchmaking seems passe. A scene from Bride and Prejudice, a version of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, which dealt with matchmaking
"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope"- Martin Luther
And it's hope that forces parents seeking suitable matches for their children to rely on marriage bureaus and online matrimonial sites, in the process, obliterating the role of the traditional marriage broker. Has this trend rendered the marriage broker completely redundant? And how are the few and far between who exist coping, is the case in point.
At the outset it seems that Kochiites are depending more on the Web services for such a purpose but on the contrary the number of marriage brokers has increased and surprisingly, there are more women in this service. Remember KPAC Lalitha's role in `Achuvinte Amma'?
More women
Yes, women brokers outnumber the men in this profession. An occupation undertaken to make both ends meet or as a serious hobby, marriage-brokers continue to serve the needs of mostly the middle class and a handful of the affluent. Krishnaveni says, "When my husband left me with three children to fend for, I took up a job as a tea worker. However, when I lost that job I chose to be a marriage broker. Two of my daughters are now married, and I am able to repay the debts incurred during the marriage of my daughters, from the money I get through my services."
On the other hand, it is not always the circumstances, which leads one to take this service. For Lakshmi Mohan, mother of cine actor Krishna, matchmaking service is a hobby. "I started this service 14 years ago and it is only since 2004 that I have started charging a nominal registration fee and that too due to high communication costs. I don't take a single paisa more even on fixing the marriage." She finds many top officials, bureaucrats, ministers contacting her and Malayalis living abroad.
As for Mini Siddharthan of GoodNews Marriage Service, Vytilla, setting up of a small office in 100 sq. ft gives her an edge over the ordinary brokers. She says, "I started this service in order to be able to repay the loan I took for my two-wheeler, while I was working in a networking job."
Trust
A service based on trust, most marriage brokers get closely associated with the families of the people involved. Madhavan, a retired schoolteacher in his late 60's, who is a marriage broker, has several cases from different religions and castes. He says, "It is mostly the middle-class people who bank on us. They are very happy on seeing us and treat us with great respect." Apart from direct contacts, he occasionally works in collaboration with some marriage bureaus and helps them find matches for the bio-data lists with them.
"Brokers do door-to-door service, provide with profiles, contact information, take us along with them to see girls, while we have to call matrimonial bureaus innumerable times and the result we get is a dummy profile or complete silence till it is re-registration time," says a furious comedy TV actor, still switching between marriage bureaus in desperation to find a suitable spouse. He has spent about Rs 50,000 in the process.
A strange fact is that marriage bureaus occasionally hire marriage-brokers, when there is paucity of suitable profiles in their database.
There are brokers who take money only from the groom's side and leave the bride's family to decide on their payment. Krishnaveni, a broker from Edakochi says, "Usually, people give me Rs. 1,000 for finding a groom, but in one case they winded me off with a mere Rs. 250. We are taken for granted and they expect us to work for them free, while this service is our means of livelihood."
Says Kunjumol, "The parents of a girl kept postponing my payment and finally after marriage they gave me nothing on the grounds that I played only a small part in finding an eligible groom for their highly educated daughter!"
"More often, it's the parents and happily married couples who spread a good word about us to their relatives and friends. The chain goes on and this is how people contact us," adds Madhavan.
"One cannot blame people as most brokers fleece the anxious parents each time they make a visit," says Omana.
"I prefer direct services rather than going for online matrimonial. I don't mind spending money, be it marriage brokers or marriage bureaus; but we expect them to give us quality service, "says Girija Menon from Thripunithura. "Brokers ask anywhere between Rs.100-200 during each visit and they disappear without a trace. So, I don't let them come anywhere near. Bureaus are better in service as they provide us with bio data at least," says Bhavana.
And so the tussle between brokers and bureaus continues. However, the good news is that the traditional marriage broker has survived the onslaught of online matrimonial services, bureaus and marriages made in heaven.
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