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`Wigs are like ugly caps'
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Actors Sihikahi Chandru and Ramesh Pandit pull each other's legs until both fall flat on their faces
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PERFECT RHYTHM: Ramesh Pandit fine-tunes Sihikahi Chandru's head. PHOTO: K. GOPINATHAN.
If you thought Sihi Kahi Chadru, actor, director, scriptwriter and a name synonymous with the comedy serials Papa Paandu and Silli Lalli, was funny only on screen, you had it all wrong. And if you thought that Ramesh Pandit, popular villain thanks to his big green eyes, was good at only being bashed up by the hero, again you were all wrong. True blue jokers, the duo simply hijacked this column and turned into a comedy show! SHILPA SEBASTIAN R., who watched the duo perform a rip-roaring show, is grateful nobody dialled NIMHANS for an ambulance considering how she was hysterical for an entire hour.
Excerpts from the show:Sihi Kahi Chandru: You do look somewhat like Satan. Are people scared of you? Your eyes are terrifying, man!
Pandit: That's God's gift. Once an actress couldn't act with me because she found my eyes very disturbing!
SKC: Are they real or do you use contact lens?
P: (Bringing his eyes really close to Chandru's) Hey man, they can't get more real than that.
SKC: OK, OK. (Touching his own bald pate) Now tell me why you have so much hair on your head?
P: That you have none doesn't mean I shouldn't have any.
SKC: The next time you come to meet me, shave your head. You see, I feel very jealous of your curly locks. Or buy me a wig! (Dramatically) God gave me everything except hair.
P: You must have done something really bad for God to punish you like that.
SKC: No, My grandfather's the culprit. He passed on his genes to me. Actually once, my bald friend and I were standing below the ashoka trees in front of Sanket and were discussing our misfortune — bald heads. And suddenly I was enlightened, somewhat like the Buddha: "Having nothing is better than having very little." Having no hair is better than having four strands across a bald pate. My friend and I resolved then and there: "Let's shave off the pathetic little we have." (With dramatic pride) Since then I have had this distinct look. You see this gundu is great to look at. Wearing wigs is like wearing an ugly cap.
P: But how does a makeup man fit a wig on to your head? What in the world does he pin it to?!
SC: That's a real pain for him and me. He used to use gum and stick it to my head, which didn't work. So, he literally uses a mini hammer and hits round my head as if he is fine-tuning a tabla.
P: I would say more like fixing a sole to worn-out slippers.
SC: Yeah. You know I lose out on the role if I say I don't want to wear a wig.
P: Having hair is also a disadvantage sometimes. Last week I lost a film because of my curly hair. It was a role of a 70-year-old man, who is half-bald. The makeup man said it would cost Rs. 7,000 to get a wig like that made. So they chose someone who has a head like that!
SC: There's another big disadvantage. With my bald pate you can spot me in any crowd. I can't escape from anyone. I can't even go out with my girlfriend. Immediately people will say (in a sing song manner):`Aye, nodu! Bod tale Chandru.'
P: But you have your wife's permission for that. Why be scared? SC: Please! Let's not talk of wives. And mine is not a love marriage. It was a simple arranged marriage. Before I decided to marry Gita, I had seen three girls. Two rejected me. Out of sheer anger I took the pleasure of rejecting the third and agreed to marry the fourth, Gita. But you ran away and got married, right? I've met your wife while shooting for a serial. The minute she set her eyes on me she asked: `Can I tie you a rakhi?' (banging his head vigorously with his hand) Aiiyyoo!! Why does every girl want to tie a rakhi to me?
P: I married the same girl thrice. Once in the serial, then I ran away to get married to her and married her, the third time with the approval of our parents.
SC: Yella OK. But tell me why has your wife put on so much weight?
P: Even your wife is fat.
SC: She was lean when we got married. And we used look like Laurel and Hardy — a total mismatch. And I couldn't become thin. So, I made her eat, eat and eat till she matched me perfectly. No we are perrrffeeecct.
(But she isn't bald, we chip in.)
SC: That I definitely cannot ask her. She'll just kill me! (Changing tack) You play pranks even on stage.
P: Yes. We were once enacting a scene where I play a college bully and had to pull off the fellow actor's pyjamas for complaining to the principal about my pranks. But no matter how hard I tried, his pyjamas refused to budge. Finally I tugged so hard that both the chaddi and the pyjama naada broke. So, while I was pulling off the pyjama, even his chaddi was coming off. Then I whispered: `Sundara, hold on to your chaddi!' He was so tense he clung to my hand instead of his chaddi! (Both crack up)
SC: Poor man! You are also famous for giving your co-actors wrong cues and confusing them.
P: It's so boring to repeat the same dialogue show after show. To change the monotony I change the dialogues and sometimes the relations of characters in the play.
SC: Hey, remember the time we were acting in a serious play and because of you, every actor started laughing non-stop onstage? Even the audience was wondering what was happening. Then the director threw a chair at the stage and screamed `Blackout!' You're really dangerous, man! Cinema is not like that. People refuse to accept me in any other role but comic.
P: Yeah, it's the same for me too!
SC: Sullu Sullu! (to us) He's always raping heroines on screen. Actually he's always a `running character'.
P: What's that?!
SC: Well, you are always running after the heroine as a villain or after the hero as a bad cop in all your movies.
P: OK, I am branded a villain. But I enjoy being a comedian.
SC: And me a villain. Tell me how you maintain your physique?
P: I'm inspired by people like Jeetendra and Mahatma Gandhi.
SC: (Striking a pose) You see, even though I'm a slightly overweight, I think I'm really very handsome. (Pandit laughs uncontrollably) Why? Do you remember that show where we had to travel to Delhi with the Janapada repertory? I was really handsome then! P: Yeah, that was before the having-nothing-is-better-than-having-very-little phase.
SC: Remember that girl who wanted me to talk with her all the time on the train?
P: We were happy to let you go because you were winning all the card games.
SC: But as we got talking, I realised she was really dumb and wanted to run.
P: You were running away from her all the time!
SC: To escape from her I told her: "Look everyone thinks we're having an affair. So, wait till we reach Delhi. Then I'll smuggle you to the beach there and we can have a great time." To my surprise she smiled and said: `Hoon, kanooo.'
P: The poor girl believed that!
SC: Really. We had just got off at the station and she came and said: "Chandru take me to the beach, no?" Man, I wanted to go under the train.
P: And she ensured he sat with him all through the return journey. She wasn't so dumb after all!
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