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'Kids will be kids'

Kalpana Ravi on why parents should not set uniform standards for their children

KALPANA RAVI "If you have a difficult child, stop feeling guilty" PHOTO: R. SHIVAJI RAO

My son is 4 years old, adorable, affectionate, intelligent and is everything to us. But whenever he encounters resistance, he throws tantrums. We dread going to family gatherings because many make cutting remarks about our parenting. Even a visit to the zoo exhausted us. He pulled away from us, ran here and there, tried to climb over the guardrail, he would not listen to us. I know discipline is a must for every child. I feel lost and upset when he behaves in an unacceptable manner. The sense of guilt for having failed as a parent in spite of quitting my job is overwhelming. That is when a friend told me about a site http://elainegibson.net/. If you have a difficult child, you must visit it. It says children are not exhibits.

Their temperaments differ. Children have different temperaments. Parenting difficult children needs patience and skill. All children must be accepted as they are. They have unique personalities and styles of behaviour. Problems arise when we impose common standards on them. So if you have a difficult child, stop feeling guilty, stop caring about what others say, they don't care about you either. We are definitely blessed with a wonderful child. Just that he has to be handled differently. If we punish children, they resist correction and prepare themselves for harsher punishments. We just end up feeling like monsters. They do what they are convinced about. Perhaps we need more of such people. Discipline should not come out of fear; it should come out of conviction. Today, I explain things to him. When he wouldn't wash his hands, I showed pictures of germs on hands to him. He now insists that I wash my hands before I cook too. Things are definitely improving. We have terracotta pieces and an aquarium in our house now.

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As told to ASHA MENON

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