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Douse those tantrums

Half the battle is won when you understand why a child throws massive tantrums

PHOTO: G.R.N. SOMASHEKAR

CONFUSING SIGNALS Help toddlers express their emotions

The most frustrating part of parenting is handling a bawling baby. Perhaps a closer look at why children throw tantrums would give some insight into dealing with these sudden bursts of anger.

Try as they might, a toddler is developmentally incapable of making complete sense of the world around him. He does not know why things happen, what is going to happen next and how he can solve problems.

At the same time, his new-found independence comes to the fore and he is unable to understand his limits. Delaying gratification is also not developed. "I want it now!" seems to be his cry. There is no concept of "later" in his scheme of things.

Skills of expression

At the same time, a young child is unable to voice his opinion because he has not yet acquired the necessary verbal skills. Imagine how frustrating your life would be if you were not able to communicate effectively? A toddler understands a lot more than he can express.

Even as there are plenty of adults around who are unable to master this skill, it is magnified in a toddler. He requires an immediate outlet in order to vent his feelings of anger and rage. His options are limited though. He can't talk about it, he can't deny it, he can't suppress it... The one thing he can do is crying his lungs out, beating his fists on the floor and banging his head. And he really does it

Other reasons

Some tantrums are a result of fatigue or anger. Adapting to unfamiliar situations, separation anxiety or a chronic medical condition could also result in tantrums.

Once we understand the underlying reasons, we can go about dealing with temper tantrums.

Reducing frustration

Make sure your child has ample opportunity for play. This will help him use most of his endless energy.

Allow him to make a few simple choices — what would you like to have — eggs or cornflakes — for breakfast? This will give him a sense of control over his world, and thereby, reduce frustration.

After the tantrum begins

See that your child is in a safe place where he cannot hurt himself physically. Then simply ignore the tantrum. Go about your usual business. Let him gain control over his emotions by himself. If you make the mistake of paying too much attention, he will use the tantrum to get your attention. When he is calm, ask in a friendly tone: "Do you feel better now?"

Don't punish him for having one. Be neutral. Distract him by suggesting something fun to do together. His anger will soon fade away.

Public places

It is certainly embarrassing to have your child throw a tantrum at the market or in a friend's place. Remember to be in control of your own emotions. Don't argue with him. He is in no mood to listen to you. Pick him up and take him to a quiet corner where he can cool off.

Temper tantrums occur at varying levels according to the temperament of the child. Some children are sensitive and have intense emotions. In others, tantrums occur to a lesser degree. As parents, we can try and avoid letting these tantrums turn into tools of manipulation.

Maintaining a balance between making the child feel safe and loved and setting firm limits to the demands he makes on adult attention is something a parent learns along the way.

FIONA SCOTT

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