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Ma is changing!
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The new-age mother juggles tasks with a dozen hands. But she has one heart, and it's not just a temple of love. It enshrines her self-belief too, discovers RANA SIDDIQUI
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PHOTO: SANDEEP SAXENA
FOR A MEANINGFUL LIFE New age mothers play all roles with equal expertise. Here Rina Dhaka shows the way.
Long ago the celebrated Urdu writer Ismat Chughtai wrote a heart-rending story of two mothers-to-be, titled "Mughal Bachcha". One, a pampered young woman from a royal family and the other a lonely, poor villager. They both board the same train. The royal lady is surrounded by hosts of maids. They rush to her rescue at the slightest jerk of the train. The villager, patiently bearing the rough ride, sits near the open door, jostled by passers-by. Despite all care, the royal lady undergoes a miscarriage in the train while the villager gives birth to a baby without any help. Before her destination comes, she cleans up the place where she gave birth and gets down, clasping her baby.
The so-called new-age mothers might fit into this. Not only do they frequently brave the period of pregnancy unaided, but also resume working soon enough, some for career reasons and some to be able to provide a better future for their children. Only recently at the India Habitat Centre, motherhood was celebrated to the hilt. Not because it was Mothers' Day, but because Shefali Tsabary, a young mother, jotted down her experiences of motherhood in her debut book, "It's A Mom!" published by Penguin.
The word `mom' got a celebrity sheen as actress Karisma Kapoor, who not long ago turned a mom herself, and Priyanka Vadra launched the book. Shefali claims her book, which deals with the emotional and psychological side of a mother-to-be, is the first of its kind. Shefali, mother of a three-year-old, returned to work shortly after the birth of her daughter to complete her doctorate in clinical psychology and warns all mothers that they have a life beyond the baby - a body and mind, besides a spouse to reconnect with.
It's a policy followed by many new-age mothers. Be it a middle-class working woman or a celebrity, an artiste or a fashion designer, they now prefer to continue their career, remain in shape, take on more responsibilities and even train their children according to their timings. They admit it can often be heartbreaking, but they remain strong and committed to their work as well as family.
Says Karisma Kapoor, in perfect shape with that extra glow on her face, "I will definitely start doing films after a few months. My baby is too small. I will do better films. I need an image change, so no run-of-the-mill kind of films anymore."
Says fashion designer Payal Jain, whose twins are six-year-old now, "I was working even a day before the birth of my kids. I never thought I wouldn't work after becoming a mother. I would have gone mad if I hadn't been working. I couldn't be so patient with kids to wait for them to grow up. In fact I am now more productive and organised. I give them quality time by spending my evenings and night with them, as I don't socialise."
Echoes danseuse Rama Vaidyanathan, "I resumed dancing when my baby was three months old. It wasn't easy. I would take her to the greenroom, feed her in full costume, put her to sleep and then go on the stage. I would rehearse when the baby was asleep. It's all a game of the mind. You have to be very strong and plan your life."
Odissi dancer Kavita Dwibedi has put a halt to all her foreign trips for the sake of her one-year-old son. "Because of too much attention to my career, I married late. So when these trips came, I thought, I have given 30 years to myself, why can't I give three months to my kid? But I haven't stopped dancing. My baby, trained automatically to my timings, appreciates that. He feels happy seeing me dance, he claps and dances with me. He doesn't sulk when I am not around."
Some guilt
Guilt though, never leaves these mothers, the `quality time' they spend with the kids notwithstanding. Especially when the little ones unwittingly let them know their absence is felt. Admits fashion designer Reena Dhaka, "When my kids were small, I participated in Mumbai Fashion Week and so on. Since I had to prove myself doubly, to show my collection wouldn't suffer because of my new commitments, I had to work more. The collection didn't suffer, but the kids did. To erase that guilt, I would talk to myself when lonely and persuade myself that it couldn't be changed. I help them with their homework, take them on trips to compensate. But they are very smart, highly-opinionated, focussed and competitive. They ask me, `Are you number one in the market? To prove that I am, I have to keep working!"
One of Payal's methods of letting her kids know they are precious is to surprise them by picking them up from school.
And others mothers, to keep themselves Mummy Number One, subscribe to websites that keep them posted on how to handle the changing attitude of the baby, their clothes, diet and so on. Many corporate houses now offer a full-time crèche.
These are the mothers whose children grow up more confident and understanding. They treat mothers as respectable individuals than just being a `mom'!
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