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Yes, whining has its uses

Complaining is better than bottling up your grouse. But don't overdo it

LET OFF STEAM It's not bad to complain if you are angry or upset about something

Amazingly, we have begun living in a complaint-promoting culture. Complaining as an activity is not new. A wag (probably with a nagging wife) once said that language evolved because man wanted to complain. Dictators all over the world have been more ruthless in stifling dissent than suppressing enemies. Even as recently as a few decades ago, moms branded whining as a bad habit, something that needed correction. We were told that complaining is not the way to make friends and influence people. A nitpicking spouse does not make a happy marriage. A grumbling employee is passed up for promotion.

Look around today. Newspapers have large spaces filled with grievances. You can't go anywhere without banging into a fat complaint chronicle that masquerades as a suggestion book. Stores have them. So do airports and aircraft. Check out of a hotel and the desk staff hurry in with "Would you like to write here, ma'am?" Banks want you to complain about their staff and service. Post offices do it. If those books were meant to record your appreciation, why aren't the guys calling them Praise Books? It's a democratic right to complain. They don't even wait for you to study, grow up and get a job before you graduate to the complaining class. School children now get lessons on "rights" which do nothing but promote gripe education.

Learning to complain

Consumer groups offer you tips on "How to complain". Before you criticise, be sure what went wrong; be clear in your mind what you expect will happen when you protest. Do you want an apology, a new set of whatever you bought? Then, find out who the best person is to take your carping to, speak directly to the parties involved. Their "Remember" exhortations include:

* Keep a record of events

* Keep the evidence

* Stay calm

* Don't give up

* Know your rights

You can now be mean on medical grounds. Drawing the lifecycle of the whine, Silvia Hartmann, PhD argues that it is difficult to be positive all the time. Having the right attitude, seeing the sunny side of life, is that always possible? When do you get to express yourself? Constantly saying things contrary to your feelings, doesn't that make you a hypocrite?

Let off steam, is the pro-whine mantra. Or your emotions build up. Your energy levels escalate and get denser and tighter. You reach a point where you feel packed in a pressure cooker. This, Hartmann says, is when you blow your top or melt into tears. When you continue to bottle up your grouse, pretend you have the strength and fortitude to face it all, your body-mind balance (seriously, do we ever have it?) goes haywire. There is a blockade in energy flow and the collected energy backs up to create the pressure point. The body needs to have this pressure removed. Once that's done, you sigh with relief (or laugh with glee that you've put someone in a spot).

Healthy habit

Relief comes from whining. To get rid of pressure, we complain about the government, spouse, his/her relatives, children, weather, rising prices, plunging cricket scores, whatever. "If people were allowed to whine more frequently to their partners, their co-workers and strangers in the street, they might be more healthy in the long run." Stating your displeasure often is far better than substance abuse, compulsive cleaning, road rage and/or over-eating. So go ahead and say, "It's so unfair! What did I do to deserve this?" Complaining is a natural human activity. It's extra energy release. Hartmann is silent on the effects of constant griping on others.

That is a one-sided way to look at things. There are people with a chronic complaint syndrome. They aren't really victims, they shouldn't be whining at all. There is a place and a time for whining but like everything else in life, it can be overdone. How do you feel when someone tries to manipulate you through nagging just because they want attention and feel sorry for themselves? Get others to do things they are capable of doing? This won't contribute to anyone's wellness.

GEETA PADMANABHAN

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