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Rudely yours

Is it impatience, life's pressures, lack of time or overuse of technology that is making us all blow hot?

How many times have you fumed at someone cussing and saying "How rude!" How many times has the door been slammed on your face? How many times the phone has been resoundingly banged on your ears? How often have your boss, friend, wife, husband, child, gardener and house-help snapped at you? How often has it turned out that the person you were speaking to was actually speaking into his hands-free mobile earpiece, all the while grimacing at you? The list is endless. Suddenly we are a rude world filled with uncouth people and offensive everyday situations.

Haven't you noticed or what, we are all quite rude, aren't we? Just thought we would run through a few others and see if they feel the same way. For starters, I'm rude. So there. I've said it. Cut and dry. Got it off my chest.

Human firewall

But is there really something to admit? It's a big bad world out there and everyone's cloaking themselves against the ravages of the times with a sheath of rudeness. It's the human firewall. More and more people are simply blaming the times we live in, for all the rudeness. Is it lack of time? Disinterest? Inhumanity? The climate? Impatience? Life's pressures? PMS? Has technology replaced our hearts with logic chips? Is there a valid excuse to be rude? A flood of questions and a salvo of sometimes cocksure answers.

Ajay Raman, a 22-year-old engineering student says he's generally in the company of people who are jovial, but, he admits, often people are rude. And what does he perceive as rude? "It's what happens at the main junctions during office hours," he laughs. People stuck in traffic abuse and swear like no one else. He also dissects for himself how rudeness has evolved. "When I was in school , if you used the swear word people thought you were a monster. Now the f-word is used without inhibition. But I still won't say it in front of mom!" He also finds it rude when people he approaches are either busy or pretend to be busy.

Vijaya Lukose is considered an expert in interpersonal relationships, having trained hundreds of airline cabin crew in etiquette and communication. She currently heads the in-flight department of Air Deccan and is a consultant for Global Adjustments, a company that "eases the passage to and from India" for Indians and expats. "Perceptions of what is rude have changed a lot," she says, "because of factors such as stress, work pressures and having to drive in traffic."

One would assume that good language, manners, and etiquette are part and parcel of your upbringing, something you're well grounded in at home and in early school. But not anymore, it seems. More and more corporate houses and IT firms are lining up to smoothen their employees' rough edges in business etiquette. "Indians in general are not exposed to many other cultures and sometimes a lot of problems arise from our being abrupt." That, ultimately, is considered rude in most contexts. "In India, we don't pay much attention to `please' and `thank you' and there is a perception that it is said by people grovelling down below," says Vijaya. The course also includes teaching courtesies in a world where technology is all-pervasive — how to send an email with a proper opening address, how to make a graceful exit in a business meeting and how to start off a conference call with polite queries. Vijaya even advises in-flight cabin crew not to take the rudeness of fliers personally. "They must have had flight delays or misinformation and the stewards are the first point of contact and they take it all out on them," she reasons.

Reason is what drives Preethi B.N, a scriptwriter, to believe that "Rudeness is not a nature, but a requirement. It saves time. It's sometimes a safe form of self-defence without getting violent." yhe insists that looks, body language, SMSs can qualify for rudeness. "Not replying to SMSs is considered rude. I mean, people even expect replies for jokes! Technology has made us ruder. You shout at people you don't know (on phone). You know you are at the unseen end and can push your way through." She also believes that when necessary, you can cut off people. "Why give wrong signals when you are not interested?"

It may just be nice to think again when you talk to somebodythe next time. As the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer said: "It's the niceties that make the difference, fate gives us the hand, and we play the cards."

K. BHUMIKA

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