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Reaching out with affection and love
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Patient listening, warmth of love is what a patient hit by emotional trauma needs most
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LEND AN EAR And read the lips
When people are in dire need of you to share their pain, agony and distress mere talking to them alone will not solve their problems. They are to be given warmth of love, affection, and patient ears to listen their woes and sorrows to build strong integrated personalities out of them.
Many years ago, when I had only started my profession, there came a teenager by name George (not his real name) to consult me. He appeared to me very desperate, frustrated and depressed. He had a frightened, agitated look. His behaviour seemed a bit odd and I found him walking to and fro in my reception room.
In a very polite, affectionate, simpatico attitude, I led him to my room and asked him to sit on a chair placed across my table. It was late summer, the earth was parched and the trees devoid of leaves. Curiously, in depth psychology, the tree represents a human being.
George, 14, who was wearing a dark half-sleeved shirt, unbuttoned to the bottom from neck onwards, looked pale and emaciated and his eyes had a blank look. He wrung his hands nervously and often stared at his feet, his head drooping, as if in stupor. He, I came to know, was affected by his father's death and the sad demise of his mother when he just passed to the pre-S.S.L.C class. He surely needed emotional support.
His headmaster, with a brief note that read, referred George to me: This boy appears very sad and depressed for obvious reasons. He is mute, refuses to talk to anyone, cries at times, seldom sleeps at night and attends to his daily routines apathetically. He may be helped by your expert intervention."
George did not speak and was sluggish during his first two visits. He slumped in his chair, stared at the wall calendar hanging behind my seat and sighed intermittently fixing his sight mostly at his toes. One day, as he was about to leave my room, he was entertained with a glass of limejuice and prompted to play draughts (British checkers) with me. George nodded and the first game proceeded well. Ritually, we played the game everyday, but virtually in complete silence. After the fifth session, with occasional eye contacts and smiles, George started evincing a positive feedback and reinforcement, which eventually increased his motivation and enthusiasm to play more of draughts.
Summer turned to winter. One afternoon, George stepped in. He looked extremely fresh; remarkably smart, his shirt buttoned to the neck, and appeared animated and alive. A few days later George looked at my face and said, "You are nice."
The ice was broken. Thereafter there were periods of more active communication and confrontation. George made friends at school, joined the football and quiz club, and aspired to become a mechanical engineer.
Break the ice
One has much to learn from George. Painful insurmountable events could be forgotten by the emergence of positive sequences in "time projection" and the therapist practises altruism by being compassionate to the patient under his needy circumstances. Dr. Wassmer, a psychologist, from Kirkland, Washington, the author of `Making Contact' says, `active listening gives other people the important gifts of respect, attention and recognition and leaves them with warm feelings towards the listener.'
Without using words, we can reach out to another human being, by giving him a gentle touch, a hug, a supporting shoulder, a sympathetic heart and a listening ear.
DR. C. P. SOMASUNDARAM
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