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Raise your confidence

Confidence is a mind-set. It is what differentiates the successful from the also-ran

CHIN UP BODY language shows a person's confidence

Sangamitra watches Kanaka walking into the room and everybody present there taking notice of her. She is the kind of woman everybody listens to. She can tell a funny story and people laugh. She turns her gaze on somebody and they smile back. She exudes confidence. Sangamitra is a little puzzled. What makes Kanaka so special? Was she born under a lucky star? Or is there something that separates Kanaka from the rest? Kanaka is comfortable in her own skin, self-assured and knows her strengths. You too can learn to be confident and go through life with charisma and charm. Being confident helps you feel emotionally secure and that leads to inner peace and strength.

Make your presence felt

Recently I overheard a remark about a woman CEO making an entrance — "She walks in as if she owns the place!" To make a truly graceful entrance, you have to leave your self-consciousness behind. Even people who are very shy can appear at ease if they make an effort. It is important to realise that you will be judged only by the façade you present — nobody can actually read your mind and know how nervous you really are. Body language plays an important role. If you hunch your shoulders, and seem hesitant, you will immediately be dismissed without a second glance. On the other hand, if you walk in with your head held high and look people in the eye, they will respond with warmth.

Breaking the ice

Confident people do not usually hesitate to go up to people and introduce themselves. You do not have to be pushy and obnoxious — most people will respond to a smile and a confident introduction. The trick to making an immediate connection is to make eye contact, to lean slightly towards the other person and then ask them about themselves. Of course, there must be genuine interest because people can quickly detect faked enthusiasm.

Staying calm

If you observe people who always seem to be the centre of attraction, you will find that they are surrounded by an aura of calm. Even if they are not calm inside, they appear unruffled and composed. To quote Rudyard Kipling, "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs", then you will inspire confidence in others. Staying composed requires you to get focused. Find a quiet spot to be alone and take a few breaths before you need to face a problem, situation or a person you need to impress. You might notice that in a crisis, most people will get flustered and rush about doing things, many of them unnecessary. When you are physically overactive, the mind cannot focus on the problem and panic overtakes you. It is in these situations that you need to make the effort to consciously slow down. People will unconsciously turn to the one person who is not panic-stricken and that is how leaders are identified.

Winners have an important secret — they only visualise success. They start their task with the complete confidence that they will achieve their goal. This does not mean they are foolish. It just means they condition themselves to accomplish their task and a small or big setback will not deviate them from their target. When asked about the secret of his success, Charlie Chaplin said, "You have to believe in yourself, that's the secret. Even when I was in the orphanage, when I was roaming the street trying to find enough to eat, even then I thought of myself as the greatest actor in the world. I had to feel the exuberance that comes from utter confidence in yourself. Without it, you go down to defeat."

If you are facing a situation that is making you apprehensive, for example an important interview, rehearse the situation in your head and think your way to the point where you feel the fear most intensely. Then fill your mind with a calm picture and concentrate on physically relaxing your body. Then imagine yourself going through the situation flawlessly while your body and mind are relaxed. Just like an athlete conditioning her body, you need to condition your mind to replace fear with success.

Lou Holtz, a famous American football coach, put it succinctly: "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it."

Confidence is both inborn and learnt. It is an attitude and a mind-set. It is what differentiates the successful from the also-ran. Confidence in yourself is what adds colour to your life and zest to living.

GITA ARJUN

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