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No stereotyping please

Girls can play with aeroplanes and boys with a kitchen set

AS THEY LIKE IT Children should be allowed to play with what they want

Even in today's emancipated and liberated society, we as parents have a long way to go because many of us are influenced by the way society traditionally treats boys and girls.

This differential treatment begins in infancy and progresses into adulthood, forming the basis for gender stereotypes. These are exaggerated generalisations about male or female behaviour and are based on false assumptions that individuals will or should conform to gender roles.

Attitudes have changed during recent years and India has experienced a wave of change as women have carved a niche for themselves in the Indian workforce and we see them carrying babies as well as briefcases.

As parents, we need to be aware that when we stereotype, we put them in situations where they learn to deny their natural inclinations and abilities and force themselves into ill-fitting academic, vocational and social moulds.

Here are some of the common mistakes we consciously or unconsciously make with our children and what we can do to correct them:

Boys will be boys

Parents tend to putpressure on boys to act like `real boys' and criticise and even ridicule emotional outbursts identifying it as `girlish behaviour.'

This sends the message to the child that it is not expected of him to show his emotions. In the long run he tends to bottle all his feelings and this eventually leads to frustration.

A father's role

Research suggests that fathers are found to care more about gender typing than mothers. Mothers are generally more accepting about boys playing with dolls and girls playing with cars or trucks.

Men do tend to get more upset if their sons play with toys that girls play with. Fathers are more affectionate to their daughters and more controlling and directive towards their sons. They also tend to show more concern over their son's cognitive achievements. This behaviour sends out the message that boys are expected to be uncooperative and that girls are not meant to shine intellectually. Mothers too contribute to gender stereotyping. But research shows that in single parent families (headed by a mother), children were less stereotyped because the mother was playing the role of both parents and thereby had a more balanced view, which includes assertive, dominant self-reliant traits as well as compassionate, sympathetic traits.

Today, children spend most of their time in front of the television and are influenced by what they see.

Now-a-days the media is becoming more sensitive to the images they portray and we often see men in nurturing roles and women in career-oriented roles.

However, there still seems to be fairly high level of gender stereotyping. Children are influenced and tend to imitate the models they see everyday.

How then can we inoculate our children against gender stereotypes? Perhaps some of the suggestions below might help you in your endeavour.

Tips

Be role models: Sharing household tasks like caring for the baby or doing the dishes send the message that `work' does not have gender.

Gifts: Sometimes you can give gifts that do not conform to stereotypes like boys can get a kitchen set and girls can get aeroplanes.

Right exposure: Children who know cousin Nidhi is a pilot and uncle Gautam is a nurse are less likely to form stereotypes.

Select reading material and television programmers that a have a minimum amount of stereotyping.

Children who have a balanced view of gender are better equipped in dealing with their environment. They feel free to judge a situation on the basis if its merits and demerits rather than what the gender view dictates.

Parents who are competent, strong, secure in their own gender as well as nurturing towards their children tend to bring up children who are well adjusted and at peace with themselves.

FIONA SCOTT

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