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Friendship, the anchor

The world would be a cold place indeed if we did not have friends

In this wild roller coaster ride that we call life, we keep careening on at mad speed, sometimes acknowledging, sometimes ignoring without meaning to, all that is important in our lives. There are moments in our lives, when we pause and look back to the days when things were less complicated and convoluted.

In the blink of an eye, we are transported to the days when we had few responsibilities, and smiles and laughter came unbidden and unforced. Our friendships were truly unconditional, in a world where people now place values to a relationship, based on what they can get out of it. The world would be a cold place indeed if we did not have friends to warm us and keep us cocooned in a blanket of affection and caring.

Emotional health

Undoubtedly, in times of trouble, emotional health depends on having the support of a network of friends who keep us from crossing the line into despair.

In happiness too, the pleasure is multiplied by the number of true friends who genuinely are joyous with you and for you.

All of us wear different masks at different times in our lives. We protect our inner selves from the probing eyes of people by presenting the façade which best suits the situation. This can be trying and exhausting if we could not let down our guard with a few close friends.

A good friend knows you with all your faults and foibles and still loves you unconditionally.

Just being there

The best part of a good friendship is that your friend knows what you are thinking even before you can articulate it.

A good friend is the one who walks in when others are walking out. It is not just a cliché that you know who your friends are only in bleak times — they are the ones who step in to just be there, giving verbal and non-verbal support. It has been said, "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

At times of sorrow

When sorrow seems to have placed a permanent blanket over your soul, a good friend will be there to help you see the sun shine again, open your heart to the dawn chorus of birdsong and tenderly lead you back to life as you knew it.

Sometimes, when we falter on life's path, it is good to have a true friend who will guide us and help find our way back. Kahlil Gibran, in "The Prophet" says, "Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving."

A good friend is one who will let you wallow in self-pity as long as it is necessary and not a moment more. She will then nudge you and nag you and get you back on track.

Nurturing friendship

Most of our deepest friendships are forged when we are young.

Less rigid and more open, our hearts embrace a new relationship with very few conditions attached.

The soul then, I believe, is less suspicious and more willing to accept an overture. It is these friendships that last a lifetime, time and distance hardly making a dent in the steel it is forged out of. Life's events may stretch the fabric of a true friendship but will not make a rent in the comforting cocoon it envelops us in.

Boundaries

Like in every relationship, there are certain unwritten rules in friendship. In the guise of honesty and frankness, we should not cross certain borders.

It is easy to mistake the easy camaraderie, which comes with friendship as a licence to hurt someone. The closer you get to someone, the more important do tact and courtesy become.

Straight speak

Many a friendship has floundered on the rocks of so called straight speak, when irreparable damage is done by the misplaced notion that we have to be the one to tell our friend an unpleasant truth. In a situation where the truth absolutely needs to be spoken, do it gently and with compassion.

Remember, the words "This is for your own good" are often a prelude to hurt and disillusionment.

Treasure your friendships.

They combine the heady sparkle of champagne with the warmth of a home-cooked meal. To end with a favourite Alan Parson Project song, "You've always shared my deepest thoughts; I will miss you when I go.

And someday in the mist of time, when they ask me if I knew you, I'd smile and say you were a friend of mine, and the sadness would be lifted from my eyes, oh when I'm old and wise."

GITA ARJUN

(The author is a Chennai-based obstetrician and gynaecologist with a special interest in women's health issues)

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