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Carrot and stick policy

Spare the rod but support your child to learn appropriate ways of behaviour

A HUG CAN WORK WONDERS Behaviour is also more likely to improve if the child and parent relationship is a close one

"My son never listens to what I say! I have tried everything to discipline him; punishment, rewards and a great deal of spanking. Nothing seems to work," exclaims the exasperated mother of six-year-old Rahul.

Rahul's mother is not alone. Disciplining a child is no easy task and many have no idea how to go about it or what it really means.

Some parents raise their children exactly the way they were raised, some do not like the way they were raised and so take a completely different route and there are others who seem to be confused. Discipline actually comes from the word `disciple' which means `to teach.' So the emphasis on disciplining a child should be on `teaching' the child appropriate ways of behaviour without causing mental or physical harm. One of the most tried and tested methods of child rearing is the use of reinforcement and punishment.

Reinforcement is a new name for rewards and punishment which is the practice of providing a positive consequence for good behaviour and negative consequences for inappropriate behaviour. Positive reinforcements from parents may be in the form of hug, a smile, or praise. It may be something concrete like chocolate or toys. Punishment is negative reinforcement. It may be in the form of a loss of privileges or parental signs of disapproval like a frown or a raised tone of voice. Whatever the reinforcement, the child must receive it consistently enough after showing the particular behaviour or else he/she will not be able to form the association between the behaviour and the reinforcement.

Sometimes it becomes absolutely necessary to punish a child: if a child attempts to run across a busy road, is about to strike another child with heavy object or indulges in any other behaviour that can prove harmful to him or others around. Punishment can be effective if the following factors are taken into consideration:

Perfect timing

There should not be any delay between the punishment and the negative behaviour. If this occurs, the child will not be able to form a strong connection between the behaviour and punishment and it will be ineffective. So, be sure to intervene even if it is in front of others because in the long run, the child will benefit.

Inquisitive nature

Children are by nature, very curious. So it not surprising to hear "... but why?" from a child who is reprimanded. Punishment is more effective when it is accompanied with a short explanation.

Children are less likely to play with a plastic bag over their heads when you explain that it can lead to suffocation instead of just yelling at them and snatching the bag away.

Right frequency

Punishment should occur every time the negative behaviour is repeated. Only then will the child take you seriously. If he/she is rude to guests and is reprimanded on the first occurrence but not the second, punishment is not effective.

Relationship counts

Withholding a positive `reinforcer' like a hug or smile (parental affection) is more effective than punishment or negative reinforcement. Behaviour is also more likely to improve if the child and parent relationship is a close one.

Time out

Sending the child to the corner as a punishment is an old practice but is known to be quite effective. Perhaps instead of the corner you could send the child to the `punishment mat' or `punishment chair.' You then look the child in the eye and explain clearly and firmly the reason for his/her being there.

It can be harmful to the child if physical punishment is used on a regular basis.

Physical punishment can lead to injury, it may act as a model for aggressive behaviour and it may cause the child to avoid the punitive parent. Some children may become withdrawn and look at world as a difficult and hopeless place to live in. Parents also tend to punish the rebellious child more than the passive one even if the behaviour is the same.

Good parenting, of course, is not only about rewards and punishment, there are several other aspects. Disciplining is more about using the carrot and the stick rather than the rod.

FIONA SCOTT

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