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Mere paas maa hai!

You could point fingers and laugh all you want, but life is definitely cushier for mama's boys, writes an envious RAKESH MEHAR on the eve of Mother's Day

HE CAN DO NO WRONG In most cases, a mama's boy is the epitome of a good son as far as his doting mother is concerned Photo: Shaju John

For most of the year, they skulk quietly in the shadows lest they be forced to take a Cosmo dating quiz that calls them what they are. After all, with all the flak surrounding the term, which mama's boy would admit to being one? Dig through all the censure though, and you're sure to find men who will admit that there are advantages to putting mother on a pedestal higher than everyone else on those rare, permissible occasions like Mother's Day.

But contrary to what the card companies say, these admissions aren't dripping with enough syrup to give you cavities for the rest of your life. The thought that the women who raised and succoured us deserve our undying gratitude are constantly on our minds. However, being close to mom carries with it many practical benefits that make the occasional criticism bearable.

Take that Western import, the idea of moving out as soon as you can afford to. While independence as a concept is fine and dandy, it doesn't take into account our present real estate reality. As Bangalore has grown from sleepy town to congested IT capital, land has become far more precious than gold. Admittedly, our cubbyholes don't cost as much as they do in Mumbai, but at the rate things are going, that day isn't far away.

What me worry?

However, property is never a worry for the mama's boy. He wouldn't dream of leaving home and striking new ground, and so never has to buy a piece of it. Like Sudesh Kamat, a techie who lives above his parent's comfortable home in Malleswaram. When he realised that he wanted some personal space (but not too much, mind you) he used just six months worth of savings and added a new floor to their home. Aside from his mother's complaints that he comes to visit only on the weekend, everybody's happy.

But mama doesn't just put the roof over one's head. She also cooks, cleans and does everything else humanly possible to make the apple of her eye comfy. And in a classic case of coming off with the short end of the stick, all she asks in return is affection. For men, after years of getting used to such royal treatment, getting used to anything less plebeian is next to impossible. Sumit Shetty, assistant marketing manager at a premier e-commerce company, narrates a succession of sob stories involving the domestic help at a flat he rented for just six months. His first cook stole from him. He was fired and replaced by another who sulked every time he didn't come for a meal, and burnt the next one as revenge. He had to go too. The third would get drunk every Saturday, have night terrors and scream. After another month without help, when his apartment had been declared a health hazard and neighbours complained of the strange smells, he reluctantly returned home. "What about cooking and cleaning for himself?" one might ask, only to receive the classic mama's boy's defence: "I don't have the time to learn all that."

Then there are the obvious emotional advantages. As jealous siblings point out, a mama's boy always has mother on his side no matter what the issue. Ruchika Reddy, a journalist and frustrated older sister, can count on one hand the number of times her mother has agreed with her during a fraternal spat. "Sometimes my mother acts as if my brother is Harishchandra," she complains. "If she ever saw what my brother was really like she would have a fit."

In most cases, such boys are the epitome of a good son as far as their mamas are concerned. Many siblings complain that while their and other family members' actions are examined with a fine toothcomb, the mama's boy gets away with almost everything. Often, the same faults that these mothers complain about in their husbands and in their other children are glossed over when it comes to the favourite son.

Says Jennifer M., an advertising executive: "Whenever I go back home, my mother complains that my retired father is too dependent on her, making her feel suffocated. But my brother needs her for far more things than my dad. But that she feels proud about." Indeed, it is this facet of protective mothers that others point to as a fault, which mama's boys cherish most — the knowledge that the world might treat them like what came out the wrong end of cattle, but there's always someone who'll prop up their ego enough to go back out there.

At first glance, the term mama's boy might seem derisive. But listen closely and you'll hear the riffs of envy bouncing off it. After all, words can never hurt a mama's boy. And when sticks and stones come by, mama is always there to coochie-coo over him.

(Editor's note: Since no mama's boy wants to be known as one, all names have been changed!)

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