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Men in labour!

What happens when the husband accompanies his wife to experience the magic of childbirth? APARNA KARTHIKEYAN presents a picture

"I hate hospitals", "But I'm dreadfully squeamish by nature"... would-be fathers typically come up with these `manly' excuses to steer clear of labour wards. (Really, how would procreation fare if women began citing these reasons?) And so, they pace the floor outside the labour room, till a nurse announces junior's noisy arrival into the world, after which they bravely rush in to congratulate the wife on the splendid job. Yeah, right — `splendid job'; and how very thoughtful, putting in an appearance after the curtains come down on the terrifying drama. But wait!

Some men, actually several of them, are of late pluckily coming forward to be with their wives when it matters most... during childbirth.

The new-age dads

Dr. Suganthy Rajagopalan, gynaecologist (RSR's Trinity Acute Care Hospital), says that this trend is indeed catching on. "Today, the husbands even take a flight to be with their wives for the big event, and I allow them to stay inside," she says. Of course, it's not exactly a pretty scene, but a few, like Abhimanyu Acharya, HR honcho, acknowledge "revelling in the fearsome". But Ravi Narayan, software engineer, says that he didn't feel squeamish about staying on even during the C-section "probably because excitement took the upper hand".

Dr. Gita Arjun, gynaecologist (E.V. Kalyani Medical Centre), says that a woman in labour feels anxious and helpless. "She might also be frightened by the intensity of pain (though epidurals have definitely changed that). Having the husband around makes the whole process so much easier to bear."

Gopal Ananth says that he was sitting by his wife Indra's side, holding her hand throughout and talking, which put her at ease. Sriman Narayanan, project manager, confesses that he was actually praying the doctor would allow him to stay in the labour room. "I was busy giving my wife a running commentary of what was happening, and Gayathri appreciated that. But if I had paced the corridors, not knowing what was happening inside, I might've fainted!"

Dr. Gita explains that antenatal classes are essential for the couple. "We inform them about what to expect. That way, they are not walking cold turkey into a situation where they feel completely out of control. We also tell them how to recognise labour, explain the process, and teach them breathing techniques."

Dr. Suganthy says she does encounter nervous husbands — some who just can't bear to see their wives suffer, while a few simply run away! "Of course, I warn them about the messy scene in advance," she says.

Dr. Gita recollects a hilarious labour room drama. "Once, a husband suddenly became intensely quiet. When I glanced at him he was looking white as a sheet and was sweating profusely. I pushed Dr. Arnab, who was assisting me, towards the husband and he managed to catch him just before he slid to the ground in a graceful swoon."

What's it like for the fathers, when the baby (finally!) arrives dramatically, kicking and screaming? Gopal defines the magical moment in one word - "ecstatic", while Abhimanyu's first thought was that he would have to wash the goo off his daughter!

Emotional moments

Sriman admits being struck speechless — "I have no words to express it. Nature is divine and I experienced divinity in birth." Ravi recalls those "exciting, emotional moments". "I would like to say that time stopped and bluebirds sang pleasant tunes and I felt one with Mother Nature. However, reality was quite the opposite. The little fellow belted out a couple of screams and I was answering Divya's questions about him. Then he became silent and we headed off to weigh him."

Dr. Gita strongly believes that their presence at the moment of birth makes the experience complete. "The father also forges a stronger bond with the child if he is present during its birth, and holds it as soon as it is born." Agrees Dr. Suganthy, adding that it also gives the husbands a great sense of belonging.

Divya says that Ravi was her eyes during the whole procedure. "He kept reassuring me throughout; overall, what an experience! We often discuss how it went by so fast and how we wish we could replay it!" Sriman adds that it's moved him tremendously and that "there's nothing one can do to compensate what a woman goes through during childbirth". Ravi jokes that when his son was born he was just a "slimy creature, eyes shut, holding on to an umbilical cord for dear life". Gopal says he used to talk about it to his now 9-year-old daughter Anjana. "But I have stopped of late. It is leading to too many difficult-to-answer questions," he laughs.

Perhaps, Dr. Bradley was absolutely right when he said (in his path-breaking book "Husband-Coached Childbirth"), "You can't beat a husband as a companion in labour!"

Let's just hope more of them opt to experience the magic of childbirth first-hand!

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